Where has this been for the last two months?
Where have I been over the last two months?
The answers might be wild: China, Switzerland, Home, and The Black Hole.
Prepare to be bombarded.
A Commentary To
Selected Excepts from My Chinese Notebook
(Which is soon to be donated the New York Public Library)
The first thing (and perhaps the most important thin) an American learns about China is how lucky he is NOT to live there. China is a wonderful place to go and an atrocious place to live, as any honest visit will tell. The following is a a compilation of things I learned over the course of a month living in the Northeast of the People's Republic of China.
God Bless America!
3. The Good Samaritan Law? Forget about it. They've got the opposite; after all, why else apart from guild does a benefactor act?
My uncle drew my attention to a video that went viral on the internet a while before I came to China. It depicts a scene where a baby girl is run over by two cars and lies neglected by many Chinese bystanders. This law is likely connected to their inaction.
4. Like in America, the less weight they have, the more they want to lose.
There was a girl in one of the Chinese classes I attended that was my age and likely weighed less than one hundred pounds. When asked if she could (word of the day) "resolve" to change one thing about herself, she said without hesitation that she wanted to be lighter. I used to think that that was only the newest version of the American dream.
5. If you're an American in China, trust no one. The paparazzi are everywhere.
Another girl in that class took my picture upon entrance, most likely because I was a new white face..
6. Nowhere else in the world can you cross the street from your favorite restaurant and still have the menu entirely memorized.
7. Washing your hands is overrated.
13. "You must unlearn what you have learned."
- Yoda on learning Chinese table manners
17. It might just be more difficult to escape a home or apartment complex in China than it is a Chinese prison or ... Alcatraz.
18. Chinese wildlife is plenty wild but hardly alive. Since i arrived in Shenyang, the only animal we've seen was a very sick-looking mouse.
It was probably just rabid.
20. In America, you should probably look both ways before you cross any two-way street. In China, it's mostly just the sidewalks you have to look out for.
21. Personal space does not exist; consider each man or woman you see here an imminent cuddle buddy.
22. RoysBon could be the next RayBan if it continues to look the same [and] sell for less.
Have you seen my sunglasses yet?
24. Baijiu is little more than [alcoholic] nail polish remover, vicious to the throat, and an experience you cannot miss.
25. Tattoos sting a little.
I figured I'd take a little test run on that Philli Cuatro Trece idea. It wasn't bad!
28. Come hungry or you might confuse hospitality with hostility.
29. Just try getting a taxi [here] between three and four, I dare you!
31. The American must be extraordinarily careful not to confuse his celebrity-alien-oddity roles.
If you feel a little too common in your day-to-day life, China is the place for you!
34. This ain't too bad a place if you can regularly overlook the cruelty.
Try to discern a pet shop from a restaurant. Try to enjoy your time at an actual pet store. Stop in the theme park right below the Great Wall. Watch that video from three again.
35. Upon two historical occasions has a sixteen year old virgin held the power to decimate an English army.
I can only hope to one day join the former as a saint.
39. Not all restaurants have pictures in their menus.
The Original List -- Beijjing Edition
Always look both ways -- even on a one way.
All it takes to get down two scorpions, some stinky tofu, a sea snake, a sheep testicle, and a half a baby shark is a Yanjing beer, a gut of steel, and friendly assorted foreigners.
History is no longer important to the Chinese.
If it is, it needs to be rewritten.
It's okay to starve baby sun bears if that means you're raking in tourist quai.
The best way to get down from the Great Wall is through the theme park's rollercoaster, which is plenty dirty, plenty smelly, and plenty bumpy.
Common sense is not so common -- even America doesn't teach that this strong.
The emperors played basketball, ran races, and didn't mind soccer.
One thing to beat a good beer is a fresh breath. Unfortunately the latter has been far less common.
Watch your mouth in Tianmen Square. [Officially, nothing happened in 1989.]
The best view in Beijjing is at the top of the Imperial Palace [the Forbidden City} and belongs to a ginormous Buddha statue.
I pondered in China a little too.
\/ \/ \/ \/
In the tears of sacrifice, hope is born. For what greater love is there than a man that should lie his life down for his friends?
Such is the way with things: light shining brightest in the dark, love shown strongest in sacrifice.
Why it is so, can one rightly know? For sometimes beauty is found in simplicity.
These things we do not know nor experiences enrich those that we do. While life is short, it is sweet. When life is limited, it is rich.
Let us treasure each moment of life. Hardly one is more valuable than the last, but upon occasion there come the few that put themselves to great glory or shame.
Men can speak of wisom and understand nothing. Others can speak of knowledge and yet know nothing. It is those who speak least that are the wisest. Those that boast least know most.
Why it is so, can one rightly know?
