The Heroes and Christ

About two thousand years ago, there was this radical dude who was born in Bethlehem. He was prophesied hundreds of years prior to be the Messiah, the one to save Israel, God's chosen people. His coming followed a period that served to insure nobody expected it to happen anytime soon: The 400 Silent Years. God had not spoken a word for centuries before he took on flesh to enter the world.

You know of this guy, there's no denying that. A few of you might even know him. His name's Jesus, and out of anybody ever, he's taken the most sh*t. Most commonly misconceived character in history. People tend to think think of him as a mellow guy with a friendly, trust-mongering beard, shining eyes, a somber halo, and white robes. That's just not the case. We're talking more about a Jason Bourne, a Jack Bauer.

Recorded instances of epicosity:

- Remember that scene in The Bourne Ultimatum where the stupid journalist gets shot in the neck? If only he could have disappeared into the crowd like the Christ. We forget that Jesus was always being hunted, either by the Pharisees who didn't like what he had to say or by his massive flock of followers that just couldn't get enough. Funnily, the Gospel of John captures scenes over and over again where Jesus suddenly vanishes right as the bad guys are closing in on him.

In the fifth chapter of John, Jesus heals a cripple. Sounds typical Jesus, wishy-washy healy-a-body, there you go. A lot of people like to stop there. Read on a little ways and you find out that the Jewish officials were at the same time hunting him down so that they could kill him. Remember this is before due process and everything -- Jesus performed a healing on Saturday, he needed to die.

Hot in pursuit, the Pharisees catch the guy whom Jesus had healed. Jewish interrogation leaves a little to be desired, then they find out they don't know where the hell Jesus is -- because he just slipped off into a moving crowd. Assassin's Creed, anyone?

- We all like to watch the action heroes improvise. They stumble into enemy territory, rip a pipe off the wall in Commando's case, then beat a guy to death with their favorite unconventional weapon of the day. Jesus is kind of the same way.

On his way back from a party where he had turned all the water into wine (his first miracle, by the way) to get the party on and show the world how awesome he was, he came across the temple. Actually, let's momentarily retrogress. Did we just hear that Jesus' first miracle got the party on? Then, instead of preaching a sermon on alcohol prohibiton, he made more wine? Twenty to thirty GALLONS of wine?! 

This is only the second chapter of John.. that escalated quickly.

So okay, keep going. Thanks, me! Anyway, Jesus goes totally Rambo in this next scene. He stumbles across a temple, sees that it's being used for a profit, then decides that the businessmen need to eat it. He finds some cords, brandishes up his own whip (yeah, like Frederick Douglass whip), then Bauertopples their tables and tells them to GTFO.

Also, he introduced the concept of "Come at me, bro!" in this same scene. The Jewish officials asked why in the world he was causing all this destruction, what granted him the authority to do so, he gestures to his body and says, "Destroy this temple, and I will rebuild it in three days."

John 2:19

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead, it only makes him angry.

- What do Gladiator, Braveheart, and The Crucible all have in common? The hero dies in a most honorable fashion, sacrificing himself in the name of some great cause. The salvation of Rome, the FREEEEEEDOMM of Scotland, morality itself. The Gospel joins the ranks there. Jesus died for the eternal destiny of each member of humanity, that rather than face an eternity of tormented anguish that they might live happily ever after. You've all heard the story of where Jesus, perhaps the most famous criminal of all time, laid down his life for the salvation of the world.

The Last Words of Heroes:

"Quintus! Release my men. Senator Gracchus is to be reinstated. There was a dream that was Rome. It shall be realized. These are the wishes of Marcus Aurelius."

- Maximus Decimus Meridius

"FREEEEEEDOMMM!"

- William Wallace

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

 "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise."

 "Dear woman, here is your son. "

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

"I am thirsty."

"It is finished!"

"Father, I entrust my Spirit into your hands."

- Jesus Christ

he·ro/ˈhi(ə)rō/

Noun:	A person, typically a man, who is admired for courage or noble qualities. The chief male character in a book, play, or movie, who is typically identified with good qualities.
Synonyms:	character

More info »Wikipedia - Dictionary.com - Answers.com - Merriam-Webster 

Featured Disjointed Side Note

What impressed crowds most about Jesus?

It was the authority with which he spoke. Modern heroes share this same quality. Bauer talk is a musical genre all its own, everything Jason Bourne says displays his expertise, nobody can say "the tribe has spoken" quite like Jeff Probst. Jesus spoke that same language. He always had the right words to say, even when confronted by some of the most powerful identities of the time. He was fearless, authoritative, and maintained a confidence that he still encourages us to take part in.

My Chinese Notebook

Where has this been for the last two months?

Where have I been over the last two months?

The answers might be wild: China, Switzerland, Home, and The Black Hole.

Prepare to be bombarded.

A Commentary To

Selected Excepts from My Chinese Notebook

(Which is soon to be donated the New York Public Library)

The first thing (and perhaps the most important thin) an American learns about China is how lucky he is NOT to live there. China is a wonderful place to go and an atrocious place to live, as any honest visit will tell. The following is a a compilation of things I learned over the course of a month living in the Northeast of the People's Republic of China.

God Bless America!

3. The Good Samaritan Law? Forget about it. They've got the opposite; after all, why else apart from guild does a benefactor act?

My uncle drew my attention to a video that went viral on the internet a while before I came to China. It depicts a scene where a baby girl is run over by two cars and lies neglected by many Chinese bystanders. This law is likely connected to their inaction.

http://www.foxcrawl.com/2011/10/18/shocking-video-chinese-girl-hit-by-2-cars-sparks-outrage-across-internet/

4. Like in America, the less weight they have, the more they want to lose.

There was a girl in one of the Chinese classes I attended that was my age and likely weighed less than one hundred pounds. When asked if she could (word of the day) "resolve" to change one thing about herself, she said without hesitation that she wanted to be lighter. I used to think that that was only the newest version of the American dream.

5. If you're an American in China, trust no one. The paparazzi are everywhere.

Another girl in that class took my picture upon entrance, most likely because I was a new white face..

6. Nowhere else in the world can you cross the street from your favorite restaurant and still have the menu entirely memorized.

7. Washing your hands is overrated.

13. "You must unlearn what you have learned."

- Yoda on learning Chinese table manners

17. It might just be more difficult to escape a home or apartment complex in China than it is a Chinese prison or ... Alcatraz.

18. Chinese wildlife is plenty wild but hardly alive. Since i arrived in Shenyang, the only animal we've seen was a very sick-looking mouse.

It was probably just rabid.

20. In America, you should probably look both ways before you cross any two-way street. In China, it's mostly just the sidewalks you have to look out for.

21. Personal space does not exist; consider each man or woman you see here an imminent cuddle buddy.

22. RoysBon could be the next RayBan if it continues to look the same [and] sell for less.

Have you seen my sunglasses yet?

24. Baijiu is little more than [alcoholic] nail polish remover, vicious to the throat, and an experience you cannot miss.

25. Tattoos sting a little.

I figured I'd take a little test run on that Philli Cuatro Trece idea. It wasn't bad!

28. Come hungry or you might confuse hospitality with hostility.

29. Just try getting a taxi [here] between three and four, I dare you!

31. The American must be extraordinarily careful not to confuse his celebrity-alien-oddity roles.

If you feel a little too common in your day-to-day life, China is the place for you!

34. This ain't too bad a place if you can regularly overlook the cruelty.

Try to discern a pet shop from a restaurant. Try to enjoy your time at an actual pet store. Stop in the theme park right below the Great Wall. Watch that video from three again.

35. Upon two historical occasions has a sixteen year old virgin held the power to decimate an English army.

I can only hope to one day join the former as a saint.

39. Not all restaurants have pictures in their menus.

The Original List -- Beijjing Edition

Always look both ways -- even on a one way.

All it takes to get down two scorpions, some stinky tofu, a sea snake, a sheep testicle, and a half a baby shark is a Yanjing beer, a gut of steel, and friendly assorted foreigners.

History is no longer important to the Chinese.

If it is, it needs to be rewritten.

It's okay to starve baby sun bears if that means you're raking in tourist quai.

The best way to get down from the Great Wall is through the theme park's rollercoaster, which is plenty dirty, plenty smelly, and plenty bumpy.

Common sense is not so common -- even America doesn't teach that this strong.

The emperors played basketball, ran races, and didn't mind soccer.

One thing to beat a good beer is a fresh breath. Unfortunately the latter has been far less common.

Watch your mouth in Tianmen Square. [Officially, nothing happened in 1989.]

The best view in Beijjing is at the top of the Imperial Palace [the Forbidden City} and belongs to a ginormous Buddha statue.

I pondered in China a little too.
\/ \/ \/ \/
In the tears of sacrifice, hope is born. For what greater love is there than a man that should lie his life down for his friends? 
Such is the way with things: light shining brightest in the dark, love shown strongest in sacrifice.
Why it is so, can one rightly know? For sometimes beauty is found in simplicity.
These things we do not know nor experiences enrich those that we do. While life is short, it is sweet. When life is limited, it is rich.
Let us treasure each moment of life. Hardly one is more valuable than the last, but upon occasion there come the few that put themselves to great glory or shame.
Men can speak of wisom and understand nothing. Others can speak of knowledge and yet know nothing. It is those who speak least that are the wisest. Those that boast least know most.

Why it is so, can one rightly know?

The FBI Academy

There is one and one reason only as to why I would not become involved in a government agency: lack of nobility. My greatest fear is that this corruption would fall in place of inactivity, in other words, that I would have nothing to do. I don't want to press pens for a living, and such findings are commonly reported by common people. There have been a number of terrorist plots against our nation, a list can be found here that might (it is wikipedia, I maintain (admittedly lessened) doubts) suggest a greater availability of meaningful opportunity in our agencies:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terrorism_in_the_United_States

There also exists a destination to look forward to if I would like to become involved with the scene, making it even more viable: The FBI Academy. Official website: http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/training/national-academy.

After gaining positive experience and making an impact in the scene of fire-fighting (which would also enable the possibility of starting a family.. although I'm not sure of the academy's requirements), I could move on to local, preferably higher-demanding, police work. After making a positive impact there and developing a solid reputation, I could easily attain a nomination from the chief of my police department and enroll at The FBI Academy, promising to serve at least three years in the Bureau. That gets me in!

Then I could go on.. maybe transfer from the FBI to the CIA, elsewhere, end up really enjoying the FBI and staying there a long time.. who knows? Politics? George Bush was the Director of the CIA for about a year.

Just ideas.  

A (Too) Late Night Thought

Well, I'm up and I definitely shouldn't be.. feeling atrocious, sweating like a pig, coughing like a.. I don't know.

Some of my best thoughts have been accomplished too late at night, and this one might be another. You guys know the Shaytards? They've got a pretty awesome thing going that's been alive for several years, documenting their family things, designed to "inspire hope that families can last together.. forever." They're a strong Christian (Mormon, actually.. but remember that no edit deal?) family although they're definitely not obnoxious about it in their vlogs, which serves all the better to convey their message. Pretty inspirational, very funny, just a pleasure to watch. It's like home videos taken to the extreme, combined to accomplish something pretty important.

Say I don't live the fantastic life of solitude abroad.. say I do settle down and raise a family. I'm promising that hypothetical and future wife right now, actually formally a while back (to myself.. but stored.. whatever, it's written now) that we'll stick together forever, because that's really what marriage is all about. Lifelong commitment to a relationship independent of happiness, with a foundation in unconditional love, and a sense of accountability to the other before God to cooperatively lead a synchronized life -- as one. The flesh combined.. you get the verse I'm getting towards.. I just want my marriage to be how God would want it to be. That's not how the church has traditionally described it -- because we're not even parting at death. Because of the greatest sacrifice and gift of all time, we get to enjoy one another forever. And that's pretty cool.

Buutt back to my point -- videorecording home life is a brilliant idea. I'd love it.
One of those things that would be really, really fun to look back on whenever..
One of those things that would be great to enjoy with my wife, with my kids, and with my family.
One of those awesome, too late at night, ideas.

Citation due.. this'll have to do:
http://www.youtube.com/user/SHAYTARDS?feature=g-all-s

And would you look at that, it rhymed!

Anticipation

"I don't always watch TV, but when I do, I prefer ABC."

- The Second Most Interesting Man in the World

Think about it.. they keep coming out with the best shows. There's only been a couple of series I've watched through of anything on television.. let me try to list what I've watched.

- Heroes by NBC (overall one you had to finish, even if it did get out of control corny) - 6.5/10

- Prison Break by Fox (really good actually.. got hit hard by the strike) - 8.5/10

- Day Break by ABC (short, fun to watch, intriguing) - 7/10

- 24 by Fox (pretty sure it's the best of the bunch.. -.5 for liberalizing) - 9.5/10

- Lost by ABC (first three seasons were great.. the scifi ruined the rest) - 8/10

- Kick Buttowski (watched whatever was on Netflix with Cado Potato.. real good =p) - 9/10 in a way not better than Prison Break's 8.5

- Revenge by ABC (loving it so far) 9/10

And that might be it for the shows I've watched start to finish. Not counting miniseries, which are more like enhanced movies, these shows have all struck my fancy for one reason or another. The funniest thing about Revenge right now is that it's trailer would have scared me away from ever starting it. I'm really grateful I watched the two-minute YouTube promo instead, which did it much better justice than the teenybopper thirty-second one ABC shows during commercial breaks. It's deep and philosophical, emotional and thrilling, and that guilty pleasure most won't admit to watching. It's got some really good things going for it though.

Now, I feel it important to address that the Second Most Interesting Man in the World was originally intended to be me.. but after a bit of research and discovery that it was ACTUALLY FOX to make 24, it struck me that it must be somebody else.. I'm more like the first-and-a-half most interesting man in the world. I'm falling in love with Revenge though, and if it doesn't stop, continues for eight seasons, and does it all with the class and style of 24.. I don't know, I might reconsider my favorites.

There's a part of me that wants to become Jack Porter just as much as he wants to become Jack Bauer.

You know what I've said about being the most impressionable man in the world? Every time I really get into the cast of a show or movie, it makes me want to join the bandwagon and move to Los Angeles after high school and.. maybe.. Costa Rica.

I'm a talented actor. I get what a script intends and what an audience wants. I can get to the point at which the character becomes me, and Stevie LaFerriere as you know him no longer exists. One thing I can't do, though, is sing. That means no Broadway, but I'm not talking theater, I'm talking film. Theater people are weird. So are actors.. but in a classier way, I think. Then there are the actors and actresses that do theater. They're cool.. but theater people.. that could never be me.

I'm in a weird state of mind right now.. maybe that's what you get when you stay at home sick for a day and a half. Boredom and inactivity gets to me.. kills me haha.

I don't know what I wanna do besides feel pathetic haha.

It did make me pretty happy when I noticed I had a spinoff.. it's called What Am I Doing? 

You might want to check it out, because if it came from one of my fans, it might appeal to the rest of my fans. Here's a link.. hold up.

doingamiwhat.blogspot.com

and this is me!

http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/revenge/bios/jack-porter

or.. 

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b9/Jack_Bauer.jpg

I don't know.. time will tell.

Maybe I'll just be a writer like John Steinbeck.

Or.. this gentleman: (who's strikingly similar to me in regards to thought on sociology and writing)

 http://static.wetpaint.me/revenge/ROOT/photos/460_340/MasonTreadwellRogerBart--582439475816456570.jpg

Whatever.. I just want the season finale to show up already.

I'm loving the way Bill Buchanan's on the show.. as "The White-Haired Man"

It was good to see Jack's "Don't Fight It" maneuver coming around again =).

Have I mentioned the episode titles of Revenge? I like them a lot.. because I used to plan on titling every entry of this journal that way.

Pilot (how original =p)

Trust

Betrayal

Duplicity

Guilt

Intrigue

Charade

Treachery

Suspicion

Loyalty

Infamy

Commitment

Perception

Chaos

Scandal

Doubt

Justice

Absolution

Legacy

Grief

Reckoning

Looking forward to Reckoning.. and next season's supposed to start off with a marriage. Also, wrapping up this season will let me find a new show to get addicted to. I don't know if it'll be quite as good, though.

Can always go back to rewatching 24 =).


(Forgotten List -- since I forgot these two, the list might be even longer:)
- Northern Exposure 8/10
- Freaks and Geeks 9/10

A Simpler Happily Ever After

You know, it's a pretty unnatural thing to look down at our feet. We walk looking straight down the path ahead, we drive looking much further, and when we get to the summit of a mountain we look into the vast beyond. There is so much in the world and so many places to go, so many options for the future, that we often forget about the decisions in the present. Not the kind, "what will I eat for dinner tonight?" but of the assortment "left foot, right foot." The steps we take, the ones which get us where we are going, can easily slip into the subconscious, and nearly always do. Unfortunately, if you translate this illustration analogically, you will discover life is prone to demand an opposite manner of us.

Now, I've got absolutely no idea where I'm going. This uncertainty is appealing to me, however, because it has so many horrible and wonderful potential outcomes. I might be a dreamer, but I've always considered myself more an individual of action. I like to do as much as I possibly can, I like to be as great in the well-rounded manner, magnificent in the big picture, that it's sometimes the details that slip me by. It's true for English grade and it's true for my life in general.

Returning to the walk I lead, these activities can best be compared to the contents of a backpack. The more I have, the slower I walk. The more I have, the more prepared I am for the class I'm going to. Am I always in a hallway then? Am I always heading somewhere, but never getting anywhere? Is that the life we all lead? Is that the right way to go?

Returning once again to the contents of a backpack, we might consider what must be done should it have been chose what I should have done should junior graduation have remained an option. I would have taken things out of my backpack in order to walk faster. I would have needed to drop football with hopes of coming back to pick it up later. I would have needed to consider dropping the ability to sleep in until 7:20 and make it school on time. These things would have allowed me to walk faster to my class, my destination, junior graduation.

So that's basically where I'm at right now. Two hands clinched. It was funny this morning, actually, Mrs. Levy said she has been reading me as a kind of intense guy, while I've never thought that way of myself at all (should you drop the fact that one of my career possibilities is strikingly similar to Jack Bauer). That reminded me that certain people in our lives only see us at particular moments, in certain moods, or acting out a requisite but alternative persona. It's mildly depressing to me, that certain people I've had this kind of impression on in initial relationship might never know me proper. People I knew strictly through baseball, people I knew while at SUMMA, and now the people solely involved in the planning of this junior graduation. However, these things have granted me a unique understanding of other people, even if at the cost of a missing one for myself.

When you adopt an alternative persona, you're essentially an actor without the security of a stage. People will actually respond in an uncontrollably honest manner, no longer a dependent of the progression of life. This allows for a totally operational sociology lab, one which can hardly be found anywhere, anyhow else. While maintaining suit, you can plant certain stimuli you could never believably deliver anywhere else. Such experimentation, while coming at a certain cost, has certainly taught me essential lessons on human behavior which I've been able to use in a positive and constructive manner elsewhere. What has given me additional advantage is the extra people I've had the privilege to come across, growing up around the nation.

One youthful lesson I've abandoned at times, even if temporarily, is that of being yourself. Which has come at its cost.

I've got no idea how this story ends. There a thousand things that could happen with my life, as I've said before, but this is one idea that has only truly struck me today.

Living with or without a college degree, teaching English in Costa Rica until I've worked enough money to open a crab shack or surf shop, and living forever after totally, inherently, and permanently simply.

The simple life -- if happiness is a price I'm willing to pay.
How does that sound?

Why does it always end up in the future? Why can't my eyes stay grounded at my feet? Why don't I write about the present? It's not because it sucks, I love it, but it's because it really is unnatural. There are other parts to a walk though -- sitting on a bench (with a friend and) looking how far you've come, taking a minute to take the pebbles out of your sock, five to eat, ten to relax, or a night back home. It doesn't always end at the peak. It doesn't always start at the base. Even while climbing, we're not always moving up.

Legacy and Romance

There is a typical life in this world and there is an atypical one.

Nearly everybody believes they lead the atypical life and, for the most part, they're not wrong. However, nearly everybody believes nearly everybody else leads the typical life, and for the most part, I have a thousand more questions. But that's not really what I want to talk about. I do believe my life is atypical, which, I'll admit up front, must be a typical assumption.

Two things really stand out in my priorities, aims, and aspirations for my life in this world. You've seen them in the title and they mean a lot to me. One of them captures what others think and will think of me, the others what I fancy myself to operate by. The romance of the adventures of the twists and turns of life, the marching to the beat of one's own drum, and living a life that reads like a storybook is something I've found particular draw to in recent years. I want distinction and I want a legacy worthy of remembrance. I don't want to be forgotten and I want to be special.

Whether this means on the small-scale level of friends, family, and acquaintances or of national and global occurrence, I don't presently care or select. I do think of how the "Personal Life" section of my future past-tense Wikipedia page will look, though, quite often. This is a bit of a joke between me and myself, and maybe Andrew Collins now, but it's something to look forward to. I'm writing my autobiography right now, baby! Filling it up with some decent content, making my life an adventure to be followed. Journaling might help, and, although it stings me to say it, being done with online Philosophy might really help me out there. I simply haven't had a ton of time to keep this updated, and I've been leaning towards the rustic romance of handwritten entries, but I still feel a sense of publicity is a necessary evil.. those silly historians one day might need some permanent availability of research into my early life.. from my eyes!

I started The Great Gatsby today.. just so y'all know.

Let me tell you a bit about the distinctions I'd like (or have liked) to make for myself.

- I've wanted to graduate early for a long time.. graduating at the end of junior year is no longer an option, (quite unfortunately, I'm a little pissed at Mr Robertson right now but since he's an adult he probably made the right choice.. and okay, I don't actually believe that right now because I'm not supposed to.. this is one of those things that you look back on when you're like, thirty, and say 'I was such a stupid kid back then! That was one of the greatest things anyone ever did for me!' but as for right now.. I have to be mildly pissed and disappointed.) but that says nothing about the end of first semester, senior year!

- I want to be somewhat nomadic like my Uncle Will.. but for likely different reasons. I want to touch lives, I want to make an impact small-scale and/or large-scale, I want to see the world almost as much as I want it to see me!

- If we get into fun stuff.. I wouldn't mind being a mid-senior-year high school drop out.. take a look at these no-namers who dropped out of formal education: William Shakespeare, George Bernard Shaw, Kiefer Sutherland (Jack Bauer!!), Sean Connery and Jim Carrey, Robert DeNiro! ... almost every musician you can name! Albert Einstein! The Wright Brothers! Evita Peron! Yogi Berra!
http://www.school-survival.net/successful_dropouts.php

- I want to be one of those cool poly-glot types.. English, Spanish, Russian, Arabic, Chinese, German, Farsi. -- all on my list of ideas.

- How about an informal gap-year "I-spent-a-year-in-Costa-Rica-partying-working-my-ass-off" kind of guy?

- A SUMMA grad gone high school drop out.. has such a thing ever occurred in the history of mankind?

- I never want to own much.. maybe have a lot of money to use, but never own stuff. I love that idea of the Spartan lifestyle where you could pack everything you own into a backpack, head out the door, and give your renter a call.. of your tiny shower-in-the-kitchen Chinatown apartment. Also, charity organizations would be a great place to store all that money.. you never get much back from them!

- Don't think I don't want to work. Job possibilities for me could be
I) military -> government agency (CIA, FBI, Homeland, etc.) -> diplomacy
II) joint firefighter/youth pastor -> firefighter/police officer -> FBI -> ...
III) full-term traveling missionary.. living life in the field all over the world
IV) foreign service/ministry organization founder
V) full-time writer like John Steinbeck

In other words, expect something crazy over here. I'm not settling for less. Night-night time!

This I Believe -- Philosophy 2012

This was my final assignment for my Philosophy course this year.. I have to admit it makes me a little sad and a little emotional to admit it's coming to a close, but it has been an amazing experience and one I should not soon forget. I just want to thank God for this privilege which has been so generously bestowed upon me, like all else I have come to cross in this life. What a wonderful world!

This I Believe -- Philosophy 2012

There are nearly seven billion people inhabiting this planet. Only twenty-five of them made their way into this course. Whether you ascribe this to fate, the working hand of God, or random coincidence, it certainly happened. For such a reassurance of the external benevolence by which they were selected, I can only return such a force with eternal gratitude. This company has been a major blessing to me, a challenge to the coalition that is my spiritual and mental union, and to me, just as a person. I want to take this time to express this thankfulness, to match it with my beliefs, and make my exit with perfect peace of mind. The points are non-essential to me, this is a spontaneous final assignment, as to what comes next I have simply no clue.

One of the greatest things I take from any course is that of its company. The people with whom I study are all unique, loved by God, special to him and consequentially me. I love them for absolutely no reason, save the fact that I know both them and myself have been saved alongside total imperfection. These people with whom I make acquaintance, get to know, they have all been carefully and intricately designed off of the image of our perfect and divine Creator. We are all chips off the same ol' block! 

Through this knowledge, I have learned great things, not only about you, but also of my own design and the One responsible for it all. It amazes me, it makes me feel incredible, and intrigued! How can such goodness exist? How can it be denied? How can it apply to me and everyone else around me? The answer is pretty simple, my God just loves to bless me and the neighbors he has created for me. What impresses me further is that he knew before time that I would come into contact with them all in one way or another! I believe he put all of them into my life for a certain purpose of differing degree, that he has great plans for each of them, and that I got to be a part of their experience! I believe I can be used for wonderful things. I believe that my classmates and friends and my family have all been put in my life to serve a purpose or two of one kind or another. All this I believe and it gives me a hope and a confidence, the likes of which I can't even fully describe.

What pushes me over the edge is that this piece, in and of itself, has the potential to have been of use. The Spirit dwells within me and to Him I attribute each and every good action I perform. Should He decide to use these words to his glorification, to his purpose, or to his intent of one kind or another, whether to distance or draw near, I will consider myself extremely honored. I believe I have been put on this earth to touch lives so that my Father might gain magnificent renown. I believe that I will be a part of something big. I believe I am remarkably blessed to have made your acquaintances, to have been given the privilige of taking this course, and to have been planted into such a glorious sandbox of a planet. Thank you God!

- Stevie LaFerriere

The Composition of a Soul

"So what is the point of philosophical aesthetics? Why force aesthetics and philosophy together?"

Where the Mental meets the Physical

The Spirit is Set Loose

There are three things of which a soul consists: a mind, a body, and a spirit. The mind is a manager and develops educated analysis, organization, and decisions while the body is an executive that delivers action and the spirit is our human resources capitalizing upon emotion, conviction, and faith. These entities connect in a multifarious manner of ways, which are epitomized in aesthetics, exercise, and philosophy. The physical meets the mind in aesthetics. Physical (especially sex) provides the connection between the physical and the spiritual. Philosophy provides the connnection between the mind and the spirit. Each has its own specialty, yet they all manage to combine in a spectacularly harmonious manner. 

Why is this important? How could it possibly be relevant? Because it's a system we see everywhere. God is comprised of a trinity -- three-in-one -- just as much as we are. God the father is the divine form of a mind, Jesus bears the divine body (which is also a mind-body-spirit), and the Holy Spirit is self-definitive. We formed our government similarly, whereas the legislative branch is most like the spirit, the executive branch is most like the body, and the judicial is most like the mind. It is everywhere and, with this concept understood, both the source of conflict and the key to harmony are revealed.

Is this ever going to connect to art? It already has. As we have said, aesthetics are a key part of the interactions of our soul -- one of the quintessential arches that bridge the soul. The synthesis of the body and the mind make for way for the perfect communication of the spirit's emotions, although the act itself is somewhat exclusive of it. (Such is the way with the others as well, I might add, because although philosophy is determined by the mind and the spirit, it is enacted by the body; also, a stupid exercise goes hardly anywhere.)

The mind and the body are beautiful when cooperative, but can also be feisty rivals. One concerns itself entirely with order, the other entirely with experience and sensation. Should the body disregard orders from the mind or the mind disregard reports from the body, we often find ourselves in places we don't like which are often awkward social situations, like speaking thoughtlessly or pooping one's pants (hey, we were all toddlers once!). When they can synthesize in art, the soul is at balance. Thanks, philosophical aesthetics!

Why force aesthetics and philosophy together? Why, because we exist, silly! We are a combination of a great many activities, some of the greatest of which I have already mentioned. Why push aesthetics and sex together, as so many have? Why combine a workout and a philosophy? The answer, I think, is pretty simple. It's because we, each our own mind-body-spirit, carry these things through naturally and splendidly.

We were designed to combine physical activity, philosophy, and aesthetics in order to glorify God. Doing so is our purpose, our "good" as Socrates would call it, and the foremost desire of a healthy soul.

- Ten minutes in the life of a philosophy student.

Decisions, Decisions

Not easy to make, have to have a focused and perfected of priority, and have to be willing to listen to solid advice with open hears and a welcoming heart.

Focus on your objective -- the core of the competitive adult world.
No job is below you, some of the highest have really worked from the bottom up.
Respect all, love your enemies, hold fast to your principles.
Your true character (as designated by God) must be solid and supported by both your public and private image.

Know what lasts and know what comes and goes.
Every major opportunity comes with a little bit of sacrifice.
Every ounce of wisdom is worth thorough consideration.
Those who have helped you along the way deserve to know you appreciate them.

Be thankful.
Be responsible.
Be proactive.
Be hopeful.

Surrender yourself only to God.
You owe the service of your life to your Creator.
You owe your dedication to your Savior.
Worship your heavenly father.

Recognize, assess, respond.
Be in control but hold on gently.
Be fully committed to the present.
But be prepared for adjustment.

A man determines his course, but God designates his footsteps.
God is a light unto our feet, not always the sun unto our world.
There's a reason we have to step out on blind faith.
There's a reason we know as much or as little as we do.

Defend and be strong.
Be compassionate and preserve.
Be established in your faith and in your character.
Plant deep spiritual roots.

Serve God and not man.
Please God and not man.
Conform to God and not man.

I feel compelled to admit that I am wholeheartedly prepared to take this next step in faith.
I feel God might very well wish, the Holy Spirit might very well lead, and Jesus, were he me, might very well have progressed on the course to graduate early.
I will proceed through this summer -- applications, teaching in China, taking a summer college course.

College prep, cultural experience and familial support, and educational progress.
All prepared to be blown up.
May God preserve, might he empower, and might he be proactive and eager with his rod and his staff.
Might I always be prepared to listen.
Might I always be prepared to let go for Him.

Please help pray these things upon me.
I want to graduate early.

Like Tossing a Rock

"Much will be required of everyone who has been given much.

And even more will be expected of the one who has been entrusted with more."

Luke 12:48

To whom much is given, much also is expected.

With great power comes great responsibility.

Much has been said along these lines..

how many respond to the call?

Every day, as I walk home from school, I bounce my life between my hands. I scoop up a rock from a neighbor's yard, the closer it is to a baseball in size and weight the better, and I begin to bounce it between my hands and perform a combination of reminiscence and self-assessment for the immediate and distant future alike. My mind shifts from hand to hand, what has come to pass and what presently remains ahead, all the while comparing and analyzing the present. These thoughts aren't quite as deep as they might sound, though.

Last year, it was several times "You will break a four-hundred pound deadlift by the end of this year."

Last max of the year, I put up four hundred and fifteen.

Not bad for a freshman.

This year, it has many times been "You did all you could today, head home, relax, and feel proud."

I hardly ever failed that one, that one was easy.

It was mostly in the winter though, when I got both my homework done and a maximal lift.

Lately, though, it's been getting grander. A little more ambitious, a little more exciting, a little more entitling, and a little more depressing. Today, I had just wrapped up a conversation about the growing possibility of me taking a year away from football. Honestly, with all the work that's been going down towards getting my diploma from Madison one year only, it hasn't been seriously until now that it became wholly real. I might not play football this autumn.. and it stings like a bitch. It could probably rip my heart out if only I'd let it.

That's all I thought about.. but as I watched the rock bounce between my hands, lightly sinking to that instantaneous moment during which all of the weight, the focus of my energies, impacts my paw, I realized that life was much the same in its way. We shift our focii, we enjoy our days, we take things one day at a time. The hand must perform two tasks before it shifts roles: the first, taking upon all the weight; the second, letting it all go. Football must be let go, academics must be caught. Higher priorities first, shifting focus obvious but necessary, hence, the flow of life.

Almeida's Quote

"Some people are more comfortable in hell."
- Tony Almeida

"Are you talking about Jack or yourself?"
- Audrey Raines

This just hit me pretty hard.. in a good way because it makes sense to me pertinently. As I've said, Romans 5:3-4 is one of my favorite verse because it talks about how we can rejoice in our sufferings because of the character it produces. It also made me think about the things I tend to choose for myself, which is essentially giving everything to the point of collapse in whatever my highest pressing priority is at the time. I let an opportunity slip or settle for second-rate effort, I fear I'll eventually do nothing but compromise full-on effort for the easy route. Some of us like it hard. Some of us like it rough. Some of us are more comfortable in hell.

The thrill of the fight, the joy of overcoming pressures and evil, the reliance and dependence upon God -- all of these things I pray to find maximized in my life, whether the direction this requires is via firefighting, police work, military, FBI/CIA, politics, missionary work, or anything else that might remain in store for the duration of my life. I want to do something dangerous. I want to do something that demands moral aptitude. I want to do something that will allow me to be all I can be, fight hard against what's wrong with the world, and serve the good that exists by, from, with, and for God.

I figure I'm more comfortable in hell.
Keeps me on my toes.

So yes, Audrey, I'm talking about myself.. and Jack Bauer.
So if something connects me to Jack Bauer, that's one more good thing for me.

Just some things to think about.
Just some things to become.
And some things to certainly look forward to.

- Steven Peter, Double Martyr

The Possibility of Vomiting on a Book

Of Mice and Men sincerely made me want to forcibly emit bile.

That, a Klondike Bar, and a couple of tasty burgers.

Not to mention that awful feeling you get when a friend murders his helpless companion.

I am so, so sorry Lennie!

It doesn't help that Noah once told me I reminded him of Lennie.

It's like seeing that mini-you pass away.. violently.

Lennie felt like family eventually.

He felt like my faithful puppy.

That trusted, protected, and loved me.

And then I shot him in the back.

Because I think John Steinbeck wants the reader to be George.

Because we are forced to follow him around everywhere.

It's so, very sad.

I wish I could cry.

Today was an incredible day, too!

Went to church and ran sound.. 

with a stooge-like proportion of blunders.

Eliana and Emerson were dedicated.

Ryan and Katie's shared families doubled the size of our church.

And we met a new professional musician and ate a tasty burger.

Then I went to my final driving lesson to validate my permit.

Which went well, drove from Madison to Morristown

Through Morris Plains and Parsippany towards Livingston

And finally back through Chatham and Madison.

Stopped at a drive-thru along Route 10

for a celebratory milkshake.

Thank you Mr. Hein!

So I've proven myself a safe, quick, and adept driver.

Or at least to be in possession of similar capability.

He said there wasn't a lot he had left to teach me in the first place.

So that was nice.

(Just to the side.. I wonder why I'm writing like this.)

(Is this the effects of reading some heavy and well-done literature?)

(John Steinbeck's effect carrying over into my own?)

(Whatever, I guess I'm just thinking in four-line stanzas tonight.)

Spent some time with Dad.

Read all the way through Of Mice and Men.

Should probably finish some quick math homework.

Hopefully that doesn't upset my stomach more.

And then maybe I should list out some reasons

Or invest some serious thought

As to my proposal of an early graduation

A possibility of questionable wisdom

If you've got any experience or whatnot

(I suppose this is where blog turns positive)

As to early graduation, related college admission,

the duress involved with graduating early,

or any advice whatsoever..

Feel free (pretty please)

To send me a tidbit of your insight

Because I really don't know how to start assessing

But you could probably help!

At least a little..

Thanks!

Facebook message.. wall post.. 

comment below?

email alohawarrior22@gmail.com

call or text 503-807-0296?

One Sad 100th

I was going to start off by saying that this was a sad one-hundredth, then a second ago, I realized that really doesn't matter. The more I think about this kind of thing the more the journal loses its integrity and purpose and becomes more like a staggering blog. It's important to maintain the difference occasionally or I do not really have a journal, as has been the case with meeting a minimum and being minimalistic and business-oriented here. If there are days when I don't feel like writing, maybe I just shouldn't. If there's days when I'd rather not post to Facebook, maybe I just shouldn't. This still isn't about accommodating readers and I plan on avoiding that course entirely.

I went to the Naval Academy this morning and have to admit I was quite impressed. The campus was obviously federal, but the location is of course astounding. Downtown Annapolis is a beautiful collegetown with the same space as, say, Chatham, Madison, Summit, and Morristown combined. You've got that same feel, but it's nicer, bigger, more culturally diverse, and with a hell of a lot more midshipmen, a legion of which I could possibly soon become. 

We listened to loads of stuff regarding admissions, my Dad and I, and all went really well. I was continually intrigued by the layout of the clubs and activities, not to mention the summer activities which include navigating submarines and battleships, operating leadership positions, traveling far abroad, and executing advanced combat exercises. 

What I noticed most about Annapolis is the ways in which it stamps out West Point. West Point is a citadel and a fortress, a prison if you will, while Annapolis is a bit more of an engaged base. If you want to be locked up in the middle of nowhere for a pure, one-dimensional focus on strict discipline and orderly nature, then West Point is the place for you. If you'd rather live in a slightly more loose and cultural zone, Annapolis will treat you much better. Annapolis has some killer seafood, including my first lobster at Mike's Crab House across the South River.

I sincerely enjoyed my stay in the area, with a trip taking me from the rurals and natural reserves of Assateague to the rough and tumble of intellectual Princeton University. Whether swimming through freezing cold Atlantic waters or engaging and getting excited scholarly, this trip is one for the record books. One of the best parts was spending some serious quality time with Dad again, which has been sparse and somewhat gawky in the recent past because of the divorce. New settlements are going to be difficult to adjust to, but I don't want to sever either relationship with either parent. I don't want to cut one off as they cut each other off from one another. It's hard not to be split, but I guess I have to hold out as strong as I can and rely heavily on God, even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts. Hopefully I can lead Wesley and Cade in the same path, but ultimately it will be up to them.

It sucks when both parent feels they're fighting the good in a good vs. evil type of situation. It presses upon the essence of who I am, the product of their divine union. It just rips me to shreds sometimes, especially when I can't even have a complete picture. The worst part is when Mom says it hasn't even started yet. How much worse is it going to get? How much bad is going to happen until the good comes out? Will there always be a bit of both? Life is a little off.

As a kid, you rely pretty heavily upon the stability of your parents. A father's firm and gentle hand, a mother's tissue (or slap upside the head), a spanky spoon to the bottom or cheek.. these kinds of things give you definition. But when you take these things away from a sixteen year old, a twelve year old, and a seven year old all trying to find their drifts in the world? What happens then? Where do they wind up? Are decisions messed up or distorted? Is their vision of the world confused? Do they come out stronger?

Does it really "work out better for everyone?"

These kinds of things run through my head when I start thinking about it, which is infrequent because I force it to be so. It keeps me up late at night, not because I'm thinking about it hard but because I'm exhausting myself trying not to. I don't have a full enough picture to analyze it.. it's still processing. I mean one side doesn't even give me a hint towards it, the other might give me too much. Are there set boundaries for these types of things or are they just come as they go type of things? You really only get one shot at this.. and it just doesn't make any sense sometimes.

Just about everything in my life I have prior experience with, I mean seriously. School, been doing it for ten-plus years. Family stuff, heck, since I was born! Traveling and moving, as long as I can remember. Church stuff, as long as I can remember! Sports, since kindergarten! All these things continue to build upon themselves.. but a divorce, you don't get to practice it again. You don't get another swing. This ain't no at-bat. You start off with a full count.

Except is a home run even possible?

You've got no stability in your stance if you haven't seen it coming before the pitcher wound up to throw.

You've got no practice either, this ball is coming in unrecognizable trajectory.

You can only adapt and quickly.

Your vision is completely obstructed in some areas.

You can tell how fast it's coming, but never where it's at.

A strikeout seems pretty inevitable.

But how does this translate? Where would I end up if I hit a home run? Home plate? What does that look like? Things back to normal? Back in time? Waiting for it to all happen again?

Where would I end up if I struck out? Back on the bench? Have I been there before? Will it be recognizable in the slightest to me? I'll feel like a xeno- no matter where I land.

So I realize the best game I can play is my own. Forget defense, we'll try to let offense play its course and outscore whatever's going on. Keep up the passing game with church, the running game of school, goal line play with family, play action everything else. I mean, there's really not a perfect analogy for it either. It just doesn't match anything else with life.

IT'S NOT NATURAL.

.. at least, not to me.

I keep playing the game I've practiced all week. I call back on that playbook they call the Holybook. I keep asking my coach what the hell I'm supposed to be doing, where I'm supposed to be going, why the defense is running how they are. Sometimes I'm getting sacked flattened all over the damn field and we get a turnover! I gotta play a defense I've got no idea how to approach! Do I blitz it full on and get smacked emotionally? Do I play conservative and feel a little apathetic, a little too cautious, a little sociopathic? Psychopathy's on one side.

Sociopathy's on the other.

The middle beam is a slippery, round, pipe.

I can't hang on to it because it's burning hot.

And I just have to do the best I can to keep my balance.

The thing is though, that this isn't football. It's not baseball. It's not even track (do analogies even work with track? I'll have to pay more attention.) 

It's like something totally new -- something never before experienced.

I cope the only ways I can.

I pray God works his magic and comes through like he always does.

And I'm sure He will.

However long it takes.

I just have absolutely no clue what that will look like or will it come.

How long do I wait?

How long do I pray?

How long do I work and

How long do I play?

Will business every come?

Will this one day be behind me?

Will we be able to move on, together?

Will I still be me when we're through?

I've seriously got no clue.

And I'm starting to feel a little blue!

A little mouthful, a lot to chew.

Like something you'd get... out of a drive-thru?

Sometimes, I stumble into informal poetry.

It doesn't rhyme, it doesn't matter.

It just flows and looks like art.

The letters a magic trick.

The structure of the lines a movie flick.

Shuttering and flowing, who cares if it's shit?

It's me and it's raw.

It's me and it's uncensored.

I am who I am.

I work towards perfection like Christ.

I don't play no games witcha.

I have my bit of fun, but it ain't no play.

Not looking forward to no payday.

Just giving my all, whatever it's worth.

Until the day I collapse.

And just can't hold it up no more.

Which might not never come.

because if my God is for me,

who could be against me?

One day he'll call me home.

One day it'll all be over.

One day I'll perfectly belong.

One day, I'll never be wrong.

I ramble and I rant.

I give a bit of this and that.

You love or you hate

I love it either way

Just don't give me no lukewarm nonsense

Tell me how it is

If it sucks, perfect

If it's great, make me better

Critical judgment's a man's best friend

A fool flees criticism, sayin' "don't judge!"

One day, we'll all be judged in perfect condition.

And me, I think that's pretty sweet!

'Cause I like justice.

Like the classic Chris Stevens.

I commit grand theft auto I expect some jail time.

Don't let me vote, make me a criminal!

Consistency, please!

Because that's the way life rolls.

And the way I tumble with it.

The way I expect Christ to land me on top.

The hope I have in salvation.

Eternal life makes this segment of life insignificant.

God's sacrifice makes it matter all the more.

The trials will come and pass.

In God's hope I can truly rest.

Peacefully, without a care on my mind.

Not an ounce of strength do I need.

Just a bit of.. drive.

Just a bit of.. faith.

Just a bit of.. sleep.

Just a bit of.. good night.

Going Back to Sleep Again

I've been getting tired lately..
but sleep is good.
"In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat, for he grants sleep to those he loves."
Psalm 127:2

And some more:
http://cureyourinsomnia.blogspot.com/2008/06/sleepy-bible-verses.html

Yesterday Was A Full Day

6:45 -- Wake up!
7:00 -- Get ready!
7:15 -- Time to go!
7:30 -- Bus to Track Meet! Sleepy time!
7:45 -- At Summit for Annual Relay!
3:30 -- Time to go home.. with first medal!
4:00 -- Hey Papa! And Mints! And National Society of Student Scholars!
4:30 -- Let's go to New York!
5:15 -- We're there! First time, Papa!
11:30 -- Let's go home, slept the car ride home.
12:05 -- Got home, headed upstairs to sleep, forgot journal.

So it was a packed day and a fun day, followed by another, have a good day, everyone!

Losing Motivation

I missed last night's because I was lazy and tired.
Tonight's is short because I have an early meet tomorrow.
"The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied."
Proverbs 13:4

Work hard and be rich.
Work less and be poor.

Work what the Lord wants you to work and you'll be happy.

Pretty Chill Finish

I feel like I've just set a burden down gently. I didn't break it, I just passed it off of me and did it with satisfaction and relief and with the consent of those around me. Been carrying it for about a month, but my part in it is over and it might be done as a whole unless someone says differently. And I'm just fine with that.

This is Kony 2012. 

It's over and it kind of killed itself. The government was talking about it within days. The attention is widespread enough. My primary goal was to bring the communities together and show a way for students to get involved by setting a solid precedent. I feel we did that. I feel that if a nobler and greater cause were to rise, one of legitimate purpose and need, Madison and Chatham would be prepared to take action. This is a vote of confidence and a reassuring one. Mission accomplished.

It feels really nice to have gotten out of it, to be honest. It feels like an honorable discharge from the military, just plain and simple. I feel pretty liberated and expect to feel even  better about it once I hear back from more people. It will be cool.

You know what does frustrate me though is YouVersion right now and my internet in general. Chrome isn't trusting anyone lately, not the Bible, not Facebook, who knows what's next? Blogger? Whatever, I can't finish my daily reading in the Bible and it's starting to piss me off. Every time I try to REVISIT Facebook it tells me it's on a heightened level of security and that I can't access it. It simply won't let me because there's a slim chance the security address could be counterfeit or slightly outdated. Whatever. What are people going to do to me? Make my computer worse? I'm pretty sure the virus protection is worse than the virus. The cure is worse than the disease. Let me get identity theft, you can be Stevie LaFerriere for a day, you can use my non-existent credit cards, you can bullshit my wall, just let me use my computer without it itself getting in my way!

(googling 'bible verses about frustration')

"These things I have spoken to you, that in me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

Thank you MissMega... from Yahoo Answers!

Doing Good

You know what are a couple of really good movies?

Braveheart and Gladiator

I really like those period pieces, if that's what you call them, those that capture times of old and make them new and exciting and bring in some good music too. I had a cool idea: I could mute the music to Skyrim (since, let's admit it, it's getting old) if I ever get around to playing it again and just play to a Pandora station of other epic soundtracks. I'd still have the sound effects, but it'd feel more cinematic. It'd be awesome. The only trouble would come when and if I had to press the "I'm still listening" button.

You know what else is a pretty good story?

The Bible and Life As We Know It

"Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away."

Matthew 24:35

That's pretty cool.. the unforgettable dialogue of the legacy of Jesus Christ.

Sounds awesome. It gets even better when it goes The Neverending Story and lets you into it.

That's even more awesome. I love it.

You know, today wasn't a horrible day.

Got tests tomorrow but I got some good stuff learned today and a lot out of the way. 

I feel accomplished.

Lovin' life and doing good.

Quick but Important

Jesus compacted everything before him into two basic laws:
"He said to him, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands."
These still hold true today. They can govern all.

I Wanna Be A Part of Something Big

If that means I'll be a high school dropout.. that's fine by me.
If that means I'll be an early grad superstar.. that's also fine by me.
The last thing I want to do is get in God's way.
I want to do whatever he tells me to,
to go wherever he tells me to go.

And if that's not Harvard, all the better
And if that is Harvard, all the better
And if this is Australia, my ticket's gonna be bought
And if this is Madison, New Jersey, I'll drop anchor

I'm safe as long as God's with me
I'm safe as long as I'm in danger
I'm safe as long as I'm not totally
welcome or fit in this world

I'm safe as long as I'm obeying God
I'm safe as long as I'm putting His will first
I'm safe as long as I don't get in His way
I'm safe as long as I'm active in the passenger seat

I'm best when I'm looking where he's looking
I'm best when I'm following Jesus' example
I'm best when I'm God's radical hands and feet
I'm best when I'm His humble uninhibited

I fit when I'm out of this world's place
I fit when I'm in the holy of holies

Some rules are meant to be broken
Some rules are meant to be upheld
Some rules are meant to dominate
And some are meant to be crushed

God's direction comes before my guidance counselor's
God's direction comes before my mother's
God's direction comes before my family's
God's direction comes before my own

Whichever way I should be led
Please pray I go that way
Please pray that pride and self-absorption
don't overwhelm me

Please pray for the humility with which I struggle
Please pray for the caring heart I sometimes selfishly exploit
Please pray for dedication and devotion the fearless sense
Please pray for clear guidance and unmuffled wisdom

Please and Thank You

Today Was Solid

I woke up and had a solid day of school. It wasn't too tough and it wasn't too easy and it wasn't too boring and it was pretty much just right. I had a decent time and was able to relax. The rest of the day went easily, I was a little tired.

I went to the detention room and asked Lynott for a break. He said sure and I went to track.

Going to track was lots of fun. I got a nice sweater as a generous and compassionate gift from Austin Tolbert. That was very nice. I was warm.

Being at track was lots of fun.

I went through the warmup and headed down to jump. Wait, not yet. I got my measurement and got in line. Then I remembered that I had the one-hundred.

I went on over to the one-hundred and finished second, maybe third. Not a terrible time for a first, not incredible of course, but still all right: 13.2

Then I got back in line and took my first jump:
15'1"

Not bad for a start.

Then I waited a while and started again:
oops, didn't know it was the furthest back that got measured
I caught myself with my hand
and got only a 13'7"

Ouch.

Did it again after quite a while.
Tired and getting a little rough:
13'10"
fell on the butt

200 Time:
28.5

.5 longer than last time
guess that's what happens
when you don't go to practice
stupid research paper
oh well
it might have been worth it.

4x400 almost killed me:
we finished 4/6

We worked hard but I got passed
first straight was into the wind
that really sucked

learned a lot
had some fun
wore myself out
came out proud

By the way, it doesn't make much sense to me when people say that God is a pacifist. When you get to know him in the Old Testament, he ends life pretty abruptly. He also is a violent and passionate protector of those whom he loves; remember the Egyptians? It's not like they swam home after the sea came crashing down on them.

Read Israel's song in Exodus 15
"The Lord is a warrior; Yahweh is His name."
Verse Three

God's not always so easy going.
He gets pissed sometimes.

Good night.

Drifting Away to Sleep

Well.. It might be a day that I can be proud of, but I'm feeling a bit tired at the moment.

Things have been weird lately, I've been getting more and more sleep but wanting more and more at the same time. I usually only get my updates up between eleven and twelve, sometimes later, but lately, nine to ten have felt late at night to me. I'm not even doing a ton more.. I'm just burning out quicker. It's only been sixteen years and I'm already getting old; technically, I'm only four! So what the hell's going on?

No clue. Don't care. Feeling lethargic and world weary. Were I an elf I'd return whence I came.

I've found something, I like to use a lot of those old words. I like to say "all save this" instead of "all but this." Whence is just a cool word.. try it on your tongue, it just rolls off and makes you feel proper. Or British. Or just stuck up and snobbish. However it makes you feel, it's still a solid word.

Did all I wanted to with today.. felt like it went smoothly. Smiling and laughing and holding myself lightly all day, it's nice. A life of relaxation and productivity, sometimes at the same time. I wonder how I come off to other people.

I wish one of my days would be recorded, then I could go back and watch it and see what I look like on screen, take a step back and observe myself, and just get an idea of what a dork I must seem to be. I wonder if I could hire a couple of judges, toss in Simon Cowell, and see if I could get a ten or a going-to-hollywood with one of my days. I wish there was a scorecard. That'd be cool.

 You know another thing I've been thinking about? The seasons. Especially the way people dress. There's a definite set of summer and winter clothes, specific fall clothes, but in the spring you kinda just skip back and forth because the weather's all of a sudden bipolar. You've got a coat one day and then shorts and a t-shirt the next. This got me optimistic though, because with this way seasons have been kicking up early (October Storm and the early summer days we've been getting sporadically) we might not have torturous daily doubles. It might be early fall weather that won't try and kill half of us.

Oh well.. bye bye guys.

"The one who guards his mouth protects his life; the one who opens his lips invites his own ruin."
Proverbs 13:3

I take risks and would love the opportunity to put my life on the line.. are one of you readers going to get angry with my lack of inhibition and stick a knife in my chest? Stevie says all that he thinks about with this blog. Well, pretty much. Everything that sticks around long enough to be written down. I'm not joking when I say I don't backspace.