About two thousand years ago, there was this radical dude who was born in Bethlehem. He was prophesied hundreds of years prior to be the Messiah, the one to save Israel, God's chosen people. His coming followed a period that served to insure nobody expected it to happen anytime soon: The 400 Silent Years. God had not spoken a word for centuries before he took on flesh to enter the world.
You know of this guy, there's no denying that. A few of you might even know him. His name's Jesus, and out of anybody ever, he's taken the most sh*t. Most commonly misconceived character in history. People tend to think think of him as a mellow guy with a friendly, trust-mongering beard, shining eyes, a somber halo, and white robes. That's just not the case. We're talking more about a Jason Bourne, a Jack Bauer.
Recorded instances of epicosity:
- Remember that scene in The Bourne Ultimatum where the stupid journalist gets shot in the neck? If only he could have disappeared into the crowd like the Christ. We forget that Jesus was always being hunted, either by the Pharisees who didn't like what he had to say or by his massive flock of followers that just couldn't get enough. Funnily, the Gospel of John captures scenes over and over again where Jesus suddenly vanishes right as the bad guys are closing in on him.
In the fifth chapter of John, Jesus heals a cripple. Sounds typical Jesus, wishy-washy healy-a-body, there you go. A lot of people like to stop there. Read on a little ways and you find out that the Jewish officials were at the same time hunting him down so that they could kill him. Remember this is before due process and everything -- Jesus performed a healing on Saturday, he needed to die.
Hot in pursuit, the Pharisees catch the guy whom Jesus had healed. Jewish interrogation leaves a little to be desired, then they find out they don't know where the hell Jesus is -- because he just slipped off into a moving crowd. Assassin's Creed, anyone?
- We all like to watch the action heroes improvise. They stumble into enemy territory, rip a pipe off the wall in Commando's case, then beat a guy to death with their favorite unconventional weapon of the day. Jesus is kind of the same way.
On his way back from a party where he had turned all the water into wine (his first miracle, by the way) to get the party on and show the world how awesome he was, he came across the temple. Actually, let's momentarily retrogress. Did we just hear that Jesus' first miracle got the party on? Then, instead of preaching a sermon on alcohol prohibiton, he made more wine? Twenty to thirty GALLONS of wine?!
This is only the second chapter of John.. that escalated quickly.
So okay, keep going. Thanks, me! Anyway, Jesus goes totally Rambo in this next scene. He stumbles across a temple, sees that it's being used for a profit, then decides that the businessmen need to eat it. He finds some cords, brandishes up his own whip (yeah, like Frederick Douglass whip), then Bauertopples their tables and tells them to GTFO.
Also, he introduced the concept of "Come at me, bro!" in this same scene. The Jewish officials asked why in the world he was causing all this destruction, what granted him the authority to do so, he gestures to his body and says, "Destroy this temple, and I will rebuild it in three days."
John 2:19
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead, it only makes him angry.
- What do Gladiator, Braveheart, and The Crucible all have in common? The hero dies in a most honorable fashion, sacrificing himself in the name of some great cause. The salvation of Rome, the FREEEEEEDOMM of Scotland, morality itself. The Gospel joins the ranks there. Jesus died for the eternal destiny of each member of humanity, that rather than face an eternity of tormented anguish that they might live happily ever after. You've all heard the story of where Jesus, perhaps the most famous criminal of all time, laid down his life for the salvation of the world.
The Last Words of Heroes:
"Quintus! Release my men. Senator Gracchus is to be reinstated. There was a dream that was Rome. It shall be realized. These are the wishes of Marcus Aurelius."
- Maximus Decimus Meridius
"FREEEEEEDOMMM!"
- William Wallace
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
"I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise."
"Dear woman, here is your son. "
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
"I am thirsty."
"It is finished!"
"Father, I entrust my Spirit into your hands."
- Jesus Christ
he·ro/ˈhi(ə)rō/
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Featured Disjointed Side Note
What impressed crowds most about Jesus?
It was the authority with which he spoke. Modern heroes share this same quality. Bauer talk is a musical genre all its own, everything Jason Bourne says displays his expertise, nobody can say "the tribe has spoken" quite like Jeff Probst. Jesus spoke that same language. He always had the right words to say, even when confronted by some of the most powerful identities of the time. He was fearless, authoritative, and maintained a confidence that he still encourages us to take part in.
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