Sixteen

I feel like it wouldn't be justice to devote a tiny journal entry tonight. Today was an important day, not so much for the present and the occurrence of a fourth birthday, but because of the way things literally changed today. We started playing a whole new ballgame as a family, and that's important, but I feel like we deserve hardly any of the credit. Whatsoever has been likewise been bestowed upon us was not of our own doing, rather granted as a gracious gift.

So this day worked out rather poetically, I must admit. I woke up to the sound of the waking Burkses.. and then got out of bed when Josh's knee landed literally inches from the tenders. If sixteen's not a lucky number, I don't know what is. I'm sure the cajones were relieved and would wholeheartedly agree.

I got to go through that feeling of watching and sending people off to school, then the aftermath of "why am I not in school?" which was really quite pleasant. I don't mind not going to school.

I got to spend the remainder of the morning with Amy at the house and Will at China. That was a most enjoyable conversation and one well worth the time. I could end up working some part time teaching job in China at some point.. this summer? That'd be great.

Now, this next part is a little crazy because it's the beginning of something God worked throughout the day. The divorce, the situation, the characters and their roles, and His part in it as well. The future is pretty shaky right now, which is all of the following: exciting, nerve wrecking, depressing, trying, etc. It's complicated and you only get one go at it, so why not give it the best swing you've got.

Amy, somewhat out of the blue, brought up what things would be like if we did move back to Oregon this summer. It caught me a little off guard, but I thought about it and figured that it could work.. if mostly I wasn't a part of it. It probably would be a great thing for my Mom to be around her old support network. It probably would be a great thing for Wesley and Cade to be close to my grandpa, and have much of the same spiritual upbringing I received. Very nice, very secure. Mostly, it just got me to thinking.

Also, for what seemed the kicks of it, I read extra from my Bible Year plan. I just started, got captivated by the feel of it being like a serial drama, and then didn't stop where I was "supposed to." Maybe that's why I'm writing right now.. is this what God wants?

Now, this was the first stepping stone... the rest of the day commences.

Aunt Katie and Uncle Ben head over to Beaverton Town Square's Qdoba to meet for an exchange with Amy, where she was to meet up with one of her friends for lunch. We made our split and I headed over to the Dairy Queen I had walked to the day before and sat down for a half pound flamethrower grillburger and a medium Oreo Blizzard. With a side of some inside conversation.

Aunt Katie's gone through a parental divorce. She knows what that's like, especially around my age, and although the circumstances may have been quite different, it's still very much appreciated to hear from her experience. She reminded me of the rights I do have, of the things I have the right not to have, and just how to deal with this role that's kinda been thrust onto me. Things are shifting.

We headed down to the house and hung out with Aunt Katie, Uncle Ben, Audrey, Uncle Mike, Gracie, Anna, Daniel, and my immediate family minus Dad. It was awesome to finally meet baby Daniel and watch him play with baby Audrey. They had some interesting conversation, and were both very entertaining.

Hours passed and the real party started. Lots of family showed up from both sides. I kinda drifted in and out of conversations, trying to be the best birthday boy I could, and feel like I hit just about everybody there, at least for a little while. Mission accomplished.

The birthday cake was a funny story for posterity. So there was this thing in and before 2012 I just knew as trick candles. While lit, they spark. After put out, they come back on! So this makes it very difficult to extinguish them all after the Happy Birthday to You song. The only deal is that not one of us expected these candles we were lighting to be trick candles. So it came as a surprise to everyone involved. I put out two candles with wet fingers, hoping that would soak them off, but to no avail. There's your history lesson, you can skip the rest of your homework on World Wars III and IV now.

I'm tired but I gotta finish. Hold on.

Certain people certainly stood out as blessings to talk to. Each and every one brought their own unique energies and gifts of insight and conversation and entertainment that it would be both unjust and untimely to list all those who made a difference. They truly all did, but one stood out by happenstance divine intervention. This one might go way back to the time when my Dad and Josh were a kid.

First off, that Josh was even there was both a shock and an invaluable appearance. Apparently my Dad told him about it as an opportunity for him to meet with us. Josh was looking for help and to help in regards to my Dad's situation. However, the conversation is pretty private so I really only feel comfortable revealing what God was doing through Josh Rumney.

Josh was the perfect man for the job. His parents divorced when he was only eight years old, about Cade's age. He knows what an older brother could have done for him, and consequentially what I'm optimally capable of. Through him, I found out a lot of things in a manner much better received than they would be from anywhere else.

I've gotta be there for my brothers in one of the truest trials of our lives. This is going to test how strong we are as a family and the extents of our love for one another. It's going to try our faith, and develop it for some. It's going to present a series of challenges which will prove to be lifelong decisions. It will shape our circumstances for a long time. It will be one of the most emotional ordeals we ever undergo once it gets going underway. It's going to hurt a lot of people. It's going to help a few people grow. It's going to be a challenge and it's going to be an experience we'll always remember. It will add to our legacy and our characters, but may also drain from our worldly happiness. Justice will eventually be served to all parties, for personal better or worse, but it will be what it will be. God is in control as much as he always has been and the verse for tonight is simple and well known.

"We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28

Things didn't really shake up that much until the guest left. Then we got into one of the most important and largest conversations I've ever been involved in. Initially, it was Sarah Hohenshelt, my grandparents, my mom, and I. By the end, it was my mom, Wesley, and I.

For one of the first times, I really had to act as a caring mentor for Wesley and present him with some pretty big life choices. 

For one of the first times, I considered I might really need the social benefits of another year with Mom.

For one of the first times, I considered Mom might really need that time to be spent together in the face of all that's happening.

For one of the first times, Papa and I were able to connect to talk about God in more than just a scholarly apprentice-master manner. It was more like speaking fondly out of awe and wonder of a mutual friend. It was also an important series of metaphysical self-recognition.

For one of the first times, all of these things happened at once and we came together as a communicating family of sacrificial love for one another.

I realized the story of my name from Josh tonight in a way I never had before.. from Josh. I don't think it's coincidence though because it's pretty poetic, and that seems to be just the way God loves to work. The day I was being born, Josh and my Dad were talking about how my name was going to be Asa LaFerriere.. my mom and dad's idea. Josh realized that this would have been not so great, and implored my dad otherwise, to consider Stevie from his Uncle Stevie or Steven Pierre LaFerriere for his very father. My name became Steven Pierre LaFerriere, like my grandfather, so this goes way back to the time when he was being named.

Steven was a martyr stoned to death.

Pierre is French for Peter who was crucified upside down.

I have the personality that's home to a strong desire and capability of sacrificial love. My potential martyrdom in the proximal future, where "laying down my life" could either be sticking around with family for an extra year or so or even sticking back with Ryan and Katie Ozolins or other nearby homeowners for a year. We really need God's direction and guidance here.

Wesley's just starting to be involved with all this. I'm curious, excited, and a little bit sad to see it happening.

We're growing up.