Tuesday, February 7, 2012

My Life Story

I feel like God led me around.. I've been hearing his voice still pretty clearly and I get this little tiny bumps around from him. He leads me through the most trivial of details, determines my footsteps, and takes me to places I never expected these actions would take me. Sometimes, I feel like he's holding the mouse for me. Like he's moving my fingers. Like he's holding my pen.

He told me to check a mission statement I posted for responses. There were three. I'll attach it here.. and it was an assignment for my philosophy course. I had to choose a philosophical question and answer it.

It went down like this:
What is the center of my purpose?
As a devout Christian, I am dedicated to the glorification of God. I know this. The questions initiate as I consider all that wonderful persons I could be, all the magnificent feats I could accomplish, and all that I could potentially change or augment. I often ponder the impact my legacy will leave. I strive to be the best I can be, to always improve, and to enter the kingdom of heaven with the words of reassurance and congratulation in my ears. This is philosophy on a personal note, yet philosophy nonetheless. It is home to some of the most deeply implanted subject matter ever explored my man. "Why am I here?" as it has been phrased before me. Metaphysical in essence, ethical in practice, and aesthetic and nature, it is my deepest and most fascinated concept of philosophy. It is crucial to my being and the justification my being. It is the cornerstone of my faith and the source of my hope. I have high expectation for myself, the one I wish most to entirely meet and thoroughly exceed.

It is pertinent to my future and vitally connected to my past. I feel that my purpose is best fulfilled ever on the move. From the time I was born, I have never lived in a place for more than a couple of years. I lived in Portland, Oregon for five sequential years but that was the extent of my immobility. I had attended seven schools by the seventh grade, eight by the ninth. Ever the optimist, I have embraced each change with open arms, open eyes, and a fired up heart. I love the people of my journeys, the leadership of my Lord, and the influence of my actions. I make a postive impact on the people I come in connect with. I serve to the best of my ability and fulfill my capablity. I have been rewarded with the fruits of knowledge throughout my travels. I have been impressed by my usage. The Holy Spirit never ceases to amaze. A servant of all, a lover of many, and a fighter of adversity, I am designated to be the best I can be and to always hold to what is true, what is right, what is just, and what is pleasing to my Savior. Let this be my battle cry and my inspiration as I go out into the world. I am what I have made myself and have been made by others. I am determined to improve.

For now, that is my purpose. By the time of my arrival upon deathbed, it may have changed many times. It may even have been fulfilled. Then I can rest in peace.

Sorry for the extremity, but this is what I take seriously. This is who I am. This is what I have committed the essence of my being to. It is the philosophy in which I am most fascinated and fixated. It is the fuel by which I operate. This may not have been designated as the place to pour out my soul, but for myself, what place is not? Why not behave to the maximum of my capability wherever I am.. taking the skill of moderation into account. I have my strengths and my weaknesses. This is who I am and have become. This might just be the current center of my purpose. Thank you.  

The three comments were:
"You're not alone.
I'm with you every step of the way here. I, too, am a devout Christian. I've had some experiences that have strengthened my faith to the extent that all doubt is absent from my mind. But anyways, good post -- keep it up."

"Do you think that after you die, you can ask God what your purpose was, if He hasn't informed you by the time you die? 
And do you think that you will have discovered what your ultimate purpose(s) was/were by looking back on your life when you are on your deathbead? 
Just out of curiosity."

"What birthed your faith? Was it something you've grown to foster on your own or were you influenced by your zealots of parents? Do you believe you owe your faith to yourself, or simply to the lord? Could you ever imagine a world without religion?"

What birthed your faith?
Extra large font for an extra large question.
This is coming from a man with this religious statement: "I am not religious, nor am I an Athiest, nor an Agnostic, so I don't really know what I mean by design, but I guess I'll figure it out eventually."

To the best of the ability granted by God within me, this was my response (with a lot of my life story too):
Three pretty different responses. Nice to find a bro in Zane Zglobicki, thanks for the encouragement and if there's something that loves company more than misery, it's joy. I'm also fascinated and enjoy the challenge of the other two questions.
Falon: I do believe that I will be able to ask any question of the only truly omniscient being in the eternity of existence and because of the perfection of his loving grace I can expect a perfect answer. If I have not figured it out by then, completely, then I will be able to verify with all certainty in heaven. 
I do not know whether I will have discovered my ultimate purpose upon my deathbed. I will have all of my accomplishments accounted for and my life behind me, which is the primary reason I listed that moment. Because that's when everything's in the past. If we're the sum of the elements of our past, the picture is ever becoming more and more complete. So logically, the closer I get to the end of my time here on Earth, I'll have the best image I'll ever get of who I am and what I've done. It's complex, and I'm just stepping in the door so I really don't understand it very well and consequentially my articulation may be unclear. I just don't fully understand it myself.
I do hope that I recognize it before I die, though, because then I'll have more time to act on it.

Ryan:
This is a pretty interesting question, and I don't think it's really a cooincidence I've just read your statement of religion. You said you weren't "religious," that you weren't atheist, agnostic, or fundamentally established in any one way or another. I don't know if this flexibility or coerced neutrality. Either way, it's impressive as far as willpower goes. Admirable in its sense.
My parents were never especially zealots, just solid Christians for the majority of the time. They were 18  and 19 when I was born, high school sweethearts, and now they're in a progressing state of divorce. It's very onesided and credited to a difference in beliefs. I was the lump in my mom's stomach during their marriage. My dad was among the stars of the football team, had a full ride scholarship to Willamette University (which at the time time was Division 2) for football and academics and was a pretty impressive young man. He wasn't really raised a Christian, I don't know if he's been baptized, and his faith is based more on the practice of religion than the quality of his relationship with God. He doesn't really like to talk about it very much, and it seems more a system of rules and habits for him. Or at least that's how it all seems to me.
My mom was the daughter of a pastor. This man, my grandfather, always challenged me mentally and spiritually and was a definite source throughout the development of my faith. He was a hard worker raised in Pasadena, California before enrolling in what was originally called Chico State University, now known as California State University, Chico. He held a full course load in seminary, learning Hebrew and Greek while tending to his livestock at home. Very impressive to me. He taught me virtues. At the age of sixty-five, he's currently a professor and a part time preacher in Silverton, Oregon.
The reason they had such a profound impact on me most likely has to do with the fact that I spent so much time at their house. As a very young couple, my dad was caught up in college studies and work while my mom was working up the ranks of banks. I would be dropped off at their house almost every morning and not picked up until evening. My grandma is the one I credit with my earliest education. She spent so many hours reading me books that I started reading like a fanatic at age three and was invested in Walt Whitman and Jack London while I lived in Alabama at age six.
So, they had a considerable impact upon me spiritually (as well as mentally, come to think of it). My faith was never theirs, although they did their best to foster it. They always had theirs and I always had mine. I guess it majorly came from within. The calling of the Holy Spirit within me, as it is so commonly phrased. It's a church cliche and I hate to say it, but English has its limits. I also read my Bible a lot, but mostly because it was the proper church boy thing to do. As well as to remain silent in church, to sit up straight in the pews, and to always look straight forward and take careful notes on the sermon. It was a practice. It was rigid. It was formalized and it was in no way personal. I lived out the negative side of church reputation. I was very bright, however, and made considerably astute observations for my age. That was a blessing and a curse, it confined my religion to a mentality rather than a spirituality. It was strictly law.
Eventually, a boy comes to the point in which he must challenge the rules of authority. He must try out his own way and follow the likeness of his peers. A year after starting to play football, I basically abandoned God. I wanted to be, and was probably considered to be, one of the coolest kids in the school. In a very worldly sense. Of course this is the sixth grade. I went crazy in the typical way. It was mostly a product of boredom.
You see, there is this is school in Beaverton, Oregon, that was established for the cream of the crop. It is called SUMMA Academy. It has two campuses. It provides services for the 6th through 8th graders who score within or above the 99th percentile on state testing, in all three sections. I fell one percentile short in mathematics and was declined. I fell into the standard classes and it bored the hell out of me.
Then, at the end of the year, I retook the tests for the hell of it and basically got the scores required and then some. I didn't think too much of it. I was fixed in that lifestyle: slavery to sin, if you will. I liked what I was feeling in this new lifestyle and didn't really want to leave. I was connected to the world and detached from the universe. I was hardly a Christian, if by definition you interpret it as a "Little Christ" or "follower of Christ['s example.]" But my parents forced me into the socially dead environment of SUMMA. Nobody talked in classes. Everybody was fixated on their studies. Grades were life or death. There was no social aspect there for me to get involved in, and I hardly had the time. Inbred with a desire to socialize, I continued to play football. I had a good season, athletically and socially, but when it ended I was left high and dry. No where to go but youth group.
My life was never the same.
My relationship with Christ became personal.
I felt more connected than I ever had before.
I didn't care when my Dad acted out his bipolar episodes.
All because I had something else to rely on. Something that was truly made of gold.
And I, of course, held on to my flaws. But I loved the challenge and the reward of overcoming them.
My favorite part was that I wasn't really the one doing it; God was.
And from then on, I've been living and learning, serving and striving and thriving. Fixing flaws, struggling, and doing the best I possibly could.
Then realizing that wasn't good enough and that God was the only one that really could. And that letting him do it required a kind of humility and malleability that I could honestly take pride in.
I was connected with the right kinds of people. Ever since, I've felt spiritually out of place with those who don't believe as I do. I'm not the best evangelist, but I'm a good friend of mostly non-Christian people. That's the way we Christians are called to live, however, different, set apart, "holy." 
And I feel like God's been doing a pretty incredible job through me, despite all my imperfections and shortcomings.
And I'm so glad you asked, because this kind of the way He told me where my faith was birthed. Just now. Thanks to you and whatever drove you to ask. Thank you.
Sorry to bore you ceaselessly with a life story, I'll skip a few lines so that if you're scrolling down to skip the boring parts you might find your other answers.


What God has given me in my life and the entailed miracules he has performed birthed and continue to birth my faith.
It was influenced by my parents, my grandparents, my friends, my youth pastors, my worship leaders, miscellaneous family friends, assorted members of the body of Christ, and most of all our glorious God.
I owe the origins of my faith to the aforementioned; I owe my humilities and malleabilities to the abilities God has embedded within me.
Religion is a funny term, because if you look carefully and analyze it in the dictionary, its multiple meanings mean very different things.

I personally tend to think of it much more as the "pursuit or interest to which someone ascribes supreme importance" than the others. It is the "center of my [modifer:eternal] purpose" in that regard. A world without this religion would exist much like that of a world without philosophy. Mindless babboons sitting blankly, accomplishing nothing, essentially nonexistential beings. Breathing may be one man's religion, but I would die a martyr proudly and consider it one of the highest honors. The service and glorification of my God is my religion. Christianity is my practice.
A world without the more commonly thought of definition, "The belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, esp. a personal God or gods," would be depressing. All would be confused. There would be no wars because there would be nothing to passionately fight over. There would be no salvation. In consequence, life would be fruitless. What would be the point? I can imagine this world, but not fondly. Thanks for the picture, asshole. (Just so you know, I'm just kidding bro with that last part.. watch out for my humor, it's occasionally impolite and easy to misinterpret. I trash the viewers of my journal pretty thoroughly.)
The second definition is much like that of philosophy: "details of belief as taught or discussed." We've all looked into this, and it's not a pretty place either. The absence of which, I mean. Again, chaos and confusion would be rampant.
A world without the third definition would be A-okay! We don't need a "particular system of faith and worship," just as we don't need a particular system of falling in love or parenting. There's no need for a formula of this kind of relationship, just faith. Christians like myself believe Jesus Christ set the perfect example for us and how to lead our lives. He was the one man who lived entirely blamelessly and ended up taking our punishment for it anyway all in order to fulfill God's code of justice. The most epic sacrifice ever, I'd say. Best part is that it's true. Not to mention he conquered and eliminated the threat of death for "whosoever believes in him." That part's pretty cool as well, I'd say.
But yep.. there's my answer.
Ever watched the videos of bball1989? He and I are in agreement on a lot of things.
Here's his page:

Here's a video about Religion, Jesus, and the difference (*the one you might be interested in*):


So that was that. I wish I had a better description and shoutout for my grandpa, but the time hasn't come but when it does it may be one of the grandest I've ever delivered. I was considering replacing "He" with one of my undeniably best friends, the wisest man I've ever known, and also one of the most remarkable comedians I have had to pleasure to well acquaint. 
So that's that. The last hour of my life, but it felt significant, so I felt I should share it.




Edit: Also, the above was never intended as a life story. It just turned out to be a lot more like that than anything else.

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