Good Night Blogger

I wish Blogger had some kind of lullaby on it.. I guess it does kind of work that way, I mean it's a pretty chill environment where I can just write whatever, relax, pound it out, and just do whatever without overshadowing thoughts of a grade or scrutiny. I can kinda just think without pressures, wind down, hit the sack, raise hell, whatever I've gotta do to make some noise, update a journal, and then go to bed.

I began Virtual High School tonight. Made it through what was supposed to be a week of work so I could catch up, and blew off some (maybe) optional homework along the way. My mind's blown. I'm getting busy again, and there's these inertia tolls. Revised my workout today and I like the way it is grouped and sorted now much better. I finally got another Dopamine high tonight, it's been like two weeks. First sick, then midterms. But it feels good to be back. Really hitting it up against the grindstone now, with a little bit of extra work from Philosophy online.. it's all good though. It looks like it's going to be challenging and chill, fun and intriguing, all that good stuff. I'm looking forward to it once I get caught up.

Loved the participation and willing generosity of three benefactors tonight. An assignment asked me to go around and ask three people how they would define philosophy. I knew right who to go to to get some great insight, and it worked out well. It was like a quick survey fueled by Facebook chat services and sponsored by scholastic geniuses. It was very kind of them.

So, I think I'll cut it here. Overall summary: First day of the second semester was tiring but well-done, I like my new classes. It felt good to be in the weight room again. Had some time to chill at home, and then some work to do on VHS. Looking forward to tomorrow. Let's see what the days bring.

I love life, if you people haven't noticed. Struggles are my favorite. My specialty.

Good night people.

Gonna get some well-earned sleep.

Repeats

Today was excellent. How many times have I started with "Today was..."

I had lots of fun today. If I had a dollar for ever time that sentence has come out...

So... If I had a cent for every so...

Okay, I'll give up on being original tonight. When I'm writing at night, of course I'm going to be tired and of course I'm going to be looking back on the day. A constant's gotta show up somewhere.

Man, I really am tired.

Today's Highlights:
- Church in the morning. Great, original, sermon from Ryan. Well illustrated. Well executed. Held attention very well with captivating visuals, an 'A-Grade' oral presentation, but also a seemingly very spirit-led sermon. It was honest, true, and consequently well received. I appreciated and enjoyed it both.

The worship was also more heartfelt than usual. That meant a lot and established a proper atmosphere for engaging in God's presence, enabled by his graceful implementation of power. Without him, none of it really would have went down like it did. That's what worship's all about. God helping us to glorify him with all that we've got. He blesses us with the ability worship, why not use it wholeheartedly? It's one of our best presents, better but similar to the ones we get on Christmas.


- Call of Duty Black Ops Multiplayer with Cado Potato. That was pretty awesome, some nice brother time. I think it's also the second time I've seriously played Xbox this year. Spent more than twenty minutes in a row on, anyway. I don't play very many video games, save Skyrim recently. But I think that's coming to a close soon too, I've just got a few quests I want to finish up on. Isn't quest a pretty gorgeously geeky word? I think so. The quintessence (another one.. but one I like.. looks much classier in adjective form quintessential) of geekdom (another) in life as well. Isn't as well just a geeky way of saying too too? Whatevs. And that.. I don't think Miles Davis would say any of these things.

The beauty of it was in the time spent slaughtering artificial intelligence with the Tater Tot, or even letting him (fine, I was trying my best and he still beat me) bring the slaughterhouse to my screen. So.. that was awesome and we played about up until Sarah Wood showed up for a bit of a worship rehearsal. Which leads us to our next point:

- Worship Session with Sarah Wood and my mom. That was cool. Sarah and I spent most of the time getting used to playing with one another, which was admittedly a solid use of time. We were pretty well in sync by the end of it, despite our musical differences. We're of a very different mind in that respect, I believe, but this is the kind of difference that's actually good. I don't buy into all the Embrace-Diversity propaganda that the school system exudes, but this kind I'll probably let slide. Synergy is a terribly peppy word, but it's got a good concept behind it.

So with that in retrospect, we've established a fairly decent song list that I can currently remember none of save maybe We Fall Down or Awesome God, neither of which I am one hundred percent certain we are doing. Whatever.

- Youth Group with Long Hill. I don't think I was the only one who loved Capture the Banana. One stool, one banana (at a time... at first,) and two sides of a gymnasium. Two overtly overaggressive teams. Several players prepared to duke it out to retrieve the scrumptious banana.

Before that was 4-Way Capture The Flag, epic in and of itself, but not as worthy of remembrance as the other. Both were very much enjoyed, but I don't have as much to say about Capture The Flag without falling into the trap of bragging. Don't really want to toot my own horn, I feel terrible afterwards.

Umm.. I'm typing with my eyes closed I'm so tired so please forgive me if things get incoherent. I might fall asleep like this now that I think about it.

Numbers were called out one by one, then like two by two, and then, well, whatever John Salo's pretty little heart desired. I played a mostly defensive game, once even completely hurding the stool to block the other team. Jimmy Donaruma or John Salo called me a flying ninja.. maybe both. I just recall Jimmy accusing me of railing Dan Folta. Dan enjoyed it, or at least said he did, bless his heart, and reassured me (fortunately) that I did not in fact hit him in the tenders. I would have felt terrible if I had.

I was also glad it was him who took in the "epicness" as he called it. As he also claimed he was. It would have been terrible if I had collided with some poor young girl. I kinda picked him in the air really, because I knew he could take it. Like a Dark Knight, you know. Somebody had to take it, so why not let the strongest and most capable. So I might have been a bit extreme, but I think most everyone involved thought it was fun. Or insane at least, and that's always fun.

Dan ended up taking a banana home.

I ended up "playing defense, coach!"

A few rules were broken, apparently. With music blasting full volume, 2 and 4 sounds a lot like 2 to 4. Somebody else heard it that way at least. So I wasn't the only one to think 3 had a place on the field. I would have proudly taken the punishment for my actions. No penalties existed in such a chaotic game, however. I don't think anyone knows who won. We pretty much just all had a great time. That was what was good about it =).

So tired.

Well, best not stop there.

Matt Webber with his magnificent arsenal of voices, captured the story of a bear who could smell, a rabbit who could hear, and a worm that could see, and the ways that they argued amongst themselves in a way that his predecessor Theodor Geisel himself would have been proud of. He then captured it in a way I know his heavenly father is proud of. So, his analysis brought us to the depths of distraction, to the essence of our general relationship with God, to the real life applications of such concepts. Whether engaged in music or movie wars, "Have you seen this?"'s or "Have you listened to that?"'s, or just "I totally got an A+ on that," we have almost all fallen into this kind of trap. Matt so expertly wove this together that I have to admit I was fairly impressed with such a White Knight.

I also offered afterwards my services as a worship leader on behalf of the Trio. Sean Gawgs seemed to approve, and I called Josh as soon as I got home to get him aboard as well. The three of us united in one of the most beautiful things three individuals can perform. Looking forward to it, although it probably will not be this week. The Trio will lead. The Trio will flourish. The Trio will submit. The Trio will give their all.

So yep, that was youth group.

I promised Mom 9:05. Including our brief post facto discussion, the sermon part lasted until around 9:25. I felt bad as soon as I saw the clock so I pretty much booked it out the door without saying GoodBye to anyone. My bad. Sorry if I was rude.

Umm.... too tired to really go on.

Came home.

Hit Facebook.

Hit the couch.,


Watched Ocean's 11. Or the last fifteen minutes anyway.

Talked about stuff with Mom for quite a while.

Went to the computer.. About to go to sleep.

1:06 AM..

Tomorrow's Monday will not be fun. Everything comes at a price.

Welcome to The Second Semester

I'm starting up VHS and just finished replying to our school's VHS director, Miss Germer, which should secure my place in Philosophy I. This is nice. I feel like I should do rather well with it, and am looking forward to what comes next. I have 24 classmates from around the nation, and will be able to participate with online debates, complete weekly assignments, and might even do a couple of group projects. All really cool features.

I love philosophy, and it will be cool to see what it's like in class form. Also taking an online course should be a fascinating experience (If you're reading this a century from now, this probably sounds like me being excited to ride a horse and buggy around.. this is kinda high-tech for us nowadays, or at least for me. I'm worse than my grandparents with technology. They have iPods and iPads and iEverything syncing pretty much their entire home.) for me in the short and long run. It's also an Honors course that will be graded accordingly, and if I predict accurately, should do wonders for my GPA which is hovering uncomfortably around a 3.9/4.0.

So that's cool.

Today was cool too.

I woke up, cleaned the house, got picked up along with my brothers to go hang out with my dad. Went to North Bergen and looked out on the city. (As noticed, when there's not a ton to say, I don't say a ton.) There was a miscellaneous assorted motley crew of people there. From two about-30 hipsters who constantly groped each other in ways I didn't know were possible to an elderly couple probably reminiscing romantically as well. What a sweet world we live in. There were also Indian tourists rambling in some language I'd love to learn but as of now don't understand, and there presence was kinda a "Go Figure!" aspect of my time in the park. It was a beautiful view. There really is no place like NYC.

Things continued and I had about an hour before I could allow myself to eat. I ate my first bite at 3:30, marking my fast off at 44 hours clean. Not bad if I do say so myself, considering the last hour was legitimately hell on earth. In the form of a grocery store when you have an empty stomach. I was tempted to break the glass where they hold the lobsters and suck out their eyeballs. That's how hungry I was.. Everything looked SO good all of a sudden! After extreme mental discipline and won'tpower that spared a lucky lobster's eyeballs, I was finally rewarded in the self-checkout line with a mouthful of a Roast Beef Hoagie. The best thing I ever tasted, to tell you the truth, but if I ate it tomorrow it probably would taste like it came off of a boot. It didn't have to be great. It was food. And after nearly two full days of no-eating, I was in the clear.

Went to the Parsippany apartment and grilled up some grilled cheese. No longer starving but still hungry, I might have been able to consume it like a civilized human being rather than a primordial gorilla. So that was that. I have rejoined the world of the full-bellied. I heard there was an African country where that's the direct translation of what they call Americans. That might be a lie, it might be a confusion mixup in my mind, or it might be fact, but it's a true concept.

Unless you live in West Virginia or Kentucky or someplace where the homeless are still starving. My bad.

Time at dad's house was all right. Wrestled with the brothers, played catch, ate food, and headed home after a few hours. It was simple, but necessary and well-spent. I wouldn't have done today any other way.

Cade's the only one of us who's spending the night tonight.

I don't know if I regret that or not. I just want to do the right thing. It's tough though, when you don't really know. Most of the time you do, (Stormin' Norman!) and that's when the hard thing is doing it, but I'd say it's just as hard in a different sense when you don't know the right thing to do. I'm confused.

So... God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy. That's what Billy Currington says and I agree with him. So that's today.

One thing that would have been nice but I don't really regret:
Attending Dan Folta's Chinese New Year speech. That would have been sick, well, it must have been, but it would have been nice to attend. Tonight, however, was a rare time segment with my father, so I feel it was a necessary sacrifice. Family comes first, for better or for worse.

So that's my life for today.

And this wasn't no Gettysburg address, but it'll do.

And did you know I miraculously got 78 viewers against yesterday? 1000 views has kinda boosted my numbers sense. Y'all are letting this insanity get to you. In a sick, manipulative, social scientist way, I approve. I disapprove in every other way munificent humanity can come up with.

God bless your souls. You know I appreciate the hell out of you.

Now, see you later!

Til Tomorrow!

In a while, crocodile!

Adios.

To God.

Go with God.

Bye bye.

I wish somebody could tell me to get the hell out.

That's the problem with this place.

I have to be the one to shoo myself out the door.

Nobody else is here.

So you must be talkin' to me.

It's never bad to leave with De Niro at your back.

Wilbur's Stomach

"Wilbur's stomach was empty and his mind was full. Well, when your stomach is empty and your mind is full, it's hard to fall asleep. But sleep and Wilbur finally found each other."

Never have I appreciated the movies of my childhood more. 

If a pig can go without eating very much, well, so can I!

If you disregard a small serving of instant breakfast around 7:30 AM, I haven't eaten since.. well, let me seriously think. I've been saying 9 PM yesterday as a safety net of honesty, but I'm not sure how accurate that is. Considering I ate myself so full yesterday with the family before Wesley's Tae Kwon Do practice, I'm pretty sure that's the last time I ate. We ate at the diner in Florham Park. Wesley's Tae Kwon Do practice started at 7:30. We cut it pretty close, but I distinctly remember eating some cheesecake in the car while he was getting started. 7:30 might be the more accurate hour. Damn, so that makes this more like (4 and half hours till midnight added to 22:53 [right now's current time, did you guys know I hate the normal way of time and should it be preference, I would always use the 24-hour-clock.. don't believe me? check my phone and my computer, or anything else that belongs to me with a time on it for that matter.]) 27.5 hours of no eating. 

And I have to go until at least noon tomorrow to hold up with my promise. The facebook page says it ends at 15:00. Damn, I hope that's not true. Gawgs said noon. Let's hope noon. Let's beg God for noon. Otherwise this is coming up on a 45-hour-famine. 

(Sarah Hohenshelt just wants to say she's pissed about the comments section removal. I'm pissed too because I can't eat, so here it is. She told me to put it here, anyway.)

So my belly is hurting. And my disposition is frankly drained. I'm cranky at the world. 

If you really want to know why the comments section is taken away, it's because this is supposed to stay a journal. Not a two way communication. Comments might come back when that's established firmly enough in my mind, but for now it's not. I've been accused of doing it out of embarrassment but that's absolutely untrue. The true reason is exactly what I say it is, comments distort my image of what I'm doing. It makes it feel like I'm putting up elongated Facebook updates. This isn't a twitter with long posts. It's not a Facebook full of statuses. It's a journal. I want it to stay that way. It hasn't been a month yet, so its identity is still vaguely unknown to me. We're getting to know each other. It's a love-hate relationship, like I said yesterday. It's my best friend and confidant, it's my magnificent playplace, and most importantly it's whatever it decides to be. I haven't really erased a sentence since I started. I write exactly what I'm feeling, and come to think of it have only used the backspace key to erase typing mistakes or to adjust phrasing. My meaning and message have always been spontaneously the same. My worst offense is sometimes doing things in my day just to fill the journal, or maybe mild occasions of self censorship. When I hold things back, but usually once they're out they're there to stay. You get the best image of my mind. I write it like a journal, you read it like a blog. It's a journal to me. It's a blog to everyone else. To you, it really might serve like a series of tweets or elongated Facebook statuses. This is to me, just hitting me now. I guess it's whatever people make of it. How they take it. All a matter of perspective.

Isn't a lot of life that way?

Anyway.. I don't want to think I'm thinking too deeply or to try and discover hidden truths while everything's so foggy. I mean you always know your body needs food, but it's legitimately tiring to not have it. Your belly hurts. You lose your clarity of thought. Let me tell you a few of my worst symptoms. Basically let me indulge my grumpiness and gripe for you all to see. Generally be a pussy.

Every time I see food, I cower like a dog, tuck in my tail, and desperately run away looking the opposite direction. Maybe throwing myself up against a wall if there's food everywhere. It's insanely frantic. Possible explanation (*cough*excuse*cough*): Every time I've fasted, it's been in a place quarantined from food. Doing active things unrelated to eating. Now, being at home (a place I do few other things than eat) I have to face my desire and deny my body of it. Sheer determination and willpower hold me in place. I don't go against my word, and I promised (for better or for worse) to fast alongside Long Hill. Until the end, whether I started earlier or not, I won't abandon them. I would die first. (probably)

What more valuable power does a man have than the worth of his word?

Man desires to be taken seriously. If you knowingly make untrue statements, break promises, back out of commitments, or sacrifice what you've said in any means or manner, you lose credibility. Honesty promotes power. Whether it feels like it or not at the moment.

My body craves to eat.

My spirit craves this struggle and to stay true to my word.

My mind says, dude, this can't be any good for you.

And me, well, I'm like screw you guys, this sucks but I'm going to get through it. Why? To support my fellow fasters? Maybe. For bragging rights? Perhaps. To know that I've done it? Possibly. For hope of satisfaction? Sure. To prevent my until-now struggles from being in vain? Definitely helps. To prove myself a part of the body of Christ, as much a part of Long Hill as of New Life, and to make a point to myself and whoever looks into it? Sounds good to me. 

But in truth, I really have a bunch of ideas but no solid reason I could give for it. No singular purpose. Does this mean I'm doing it for no reason? No. I guess I'm kinda conditioning myself for the next one. Doing it because my suffering and my flesh, mental, and spiritual response to suffering fascinates me beyond compare. I don't know. I guess pushing myself to the limit, testing myself, it all helps me get to know myself better.

Why do I do anything? Well, to glorify God.

What's a major way I glorify God? Well, getting to know myself. Becoming in tune with my identity. Unifying my public and self image? Sounds decent enough.

Sorry if I'm rambling. I don't really know. It's all a fog.

Today was cool. Went to school for a full day. Sentimentally enjoyed the first two classes. CAD 1, over and on to CAD 2. Computer Applications, over and done with. (Doesn't the Jurassic Park theme song kinda have a nice, sweet innocence to it? Sounds like the beauty of intelligence, love, family, and friendship to me. Intuition's in there too. It's the beauty of science (that I can't usually find anywhere, especially not science class) gathered together into a song. It's cool. Makes me wish science and I clicked a little better.) Chemistry came as both a blow, unfortunate reassurance, and reminder I'm no scientist. Worst Midterm Score Ever: 66.5%. With a semester/marking period/no clue grade (incomplete, should go up) of 69.50, I held onto a C-. .01% could have changed that. That feels good even though the grade sucks. Because it's an Honors course, this is worth 2.7 towards my GPA. Much better than 1.7. Much worse than 4.7. I feel terrible thinking about it, but it's nice to have it out there. Admitted. Realized. Out of denial. 

I ain't no scientist. I'm a humanist.

So I'm getting tired but I'll keep going with you guys because this journal is just that important to me.

Spanish was a big adventure. I went in knowing I had a 19 out of 20 on the listening exam, not bad at all, right?

Then I got back the Verbs & Vocab. 77/84. Not bad. Best grade I saw in the class around me.

This puts me up at a (77+19)/104, which is about a 92%. I was in an A-. On my way to getting an A.

Then she gave me back my composition. A circled "-1" felt pretty good to see. The next best I saw around me was a circled "-2," again the top of my nearby classmates. This felt all right, but I knew what was coming next. I took a minute to enjoy what was now a (96+17)/(104+18)=92.6% which is solid because it rounds up to an A! Then... I had to throw up some intense hailmaries.

Oh please God! Don't tell me I screwed up my vocab so bad it takes it away! Don't let me lose this! I want an "A" SO bad, Lord! Oh man, oh man, it's not going to be this good. It's going to bring my grade down. It was so intense. I wasn't nervous. I had faith. I just felt like I was going to explode if she didn't give it back to me before class was over.

But then of course I couldn't even be the first to look at my complete midterm grade when it finally got to me. I didn't want to accept the fact it could be lower than an A.

But Matt Sweeney says he doesn't know how I'll respond. That it was a border grade. He didn't give me much more than that, except the slip of paper itself.

An 89 smacks me in the face. 

Not a 93. Not a 92. An 89. 

Not an A. Not an A-. A B+.

Now, that really sucked. Kinda a letdown.

Class grade's an 84. But that's counting in I didn't do the 100+ point summer assignment. Whatever. I'll get it next time.

I'm a little upset. But okay. I'm better at Spanish than my numbers dictate. You don't have to be good at school to be good at the things it teaches.

Other midterm scores were a 72 on the multiple choice section of a midterm and a 87 or something on the PreCalculus. My essay should be very good for my history grade though. Looking forward to that part. I would daresay it is the best history paper I have ever written. Has some of the best English I've ever mustered in it as well. Top Twenty, for sure. Even though it's relatively short. It was especially cool because it was clutch.

I'm signing up for VHS. Virtual High School. Just a way to get some extra credits. Instead of going to lunch (reading that just now made a pang in my belly) I went to guidance to ask about it. So cool. Emailed Miss Germer and she got back to me kinda late tonight. I'll reply soon.

I successfully distracted myself at home enough to not eat anything.

I made it to the Monster MiniGolf.

My belly still hurts.

Josh and I let down two conquests, but it was all right. Not for him as much as for me, all I really care about is food right now, but it's good.

Elisha and I tied for first. (Cleaning Apartment is a weird name that makes you think for an awesome song.)

Here ya go:

Yes, Pandora, I'm still listening.

Well, we got 51 points. Beat Sarah Wood by one. She was competitively upset. But that's okay, it's Sarah.

So... we made it back to the church.

Then the Oreos came out.

And for the first time in my life, I saw a package of Oreos I couldn't and didn't eat out of. It was torture. Westeban effectively exploited and rubbed it in. Love those guys.

Trademark move....

Zoosters Breakout

was to call my Mom, realize that Sarah's always the one to let me know how I'm getting home, handed her my phone, and let her take care of the rest.

Nice.

Headed home soon after.

Walking past the cupboards of food and through the kitchen and dining room was worse than army crawling across coals.

I made it.

Downed a small glass of water. 

Joked with Mom and Sarah Hohenshelt (indirectly) for a while then got to work writing this.

Then I executed another hour of my life working with the production of this journal.

That brings you to 23:58.

Good night everyone.

Or morning, by the time it's on Facebook and someone reads it.

So Here We Are

A little bland. Today was no thrill.

High: Midterms - Great. Felt more solid on the English in my History essay than in the English in my English essay. Questions were a bit tough though, about things some of us never really read, or at least paid attention to while reading. I botched the Treaty of Tordesillas. Oh well, over and done with. I actually felt pretty generally good on it, which came as both a surprise and a relief. PreCalc was about as easy as I expected. Midterms are all over now, which is the best part. It's great, really. I think I did pretty well on all of them. We'll see though.

Low: Idle uneventfulness. Didn't really seize the day. It's not like I really let opportunities slip by, I just kinda didn't see them. That's what's bothering me.

Maybe it's because I haven't been able to lift in two weeks. Craving that dopamine again. Can't do it tomorrow though, because I can't eat until Saturday. 30 Hour Famine, ghost run, numero uno. Here we go.

Now I have something to be excited for. Sweet! Life's good again. We're in the clear. I get to suffer for a good cause, oh goody! My legit favorite.

Pray for those kids in Africa for us, all right?

And for MiniGolf, that should be fun as well.

Simple entry, knocked it out of the way.

Keeping up the commitment, baby!

Not like it's biting me in the ass or anything tonight, I just don't have a ton to write about.

A Day Ruined By Blogger

I had a beautiful post designed for you guys titled Sitting Pretty at Ten Thirty (my all-time views, by the way, congratulations by the way). It gave you a summary of everything that I've been up to today. A great day. Some things would have made you laugh. I was loving it.

This is the downside of going online. Too unstable. I'm kinda getting pissed off right now keeping looking at this site. I'll be back tomorrow, but I don't really want to say too much more. Too upset, but committed to posting every night. The worst part is that it autosaves.. usually. I would have been crushed and sad if it had been all the way deleted, but it chose to insult me with saving only the first paragraph and a half. So I had to be the one to completely erase it.

It's 10:30 Right Now. And I sure as hell am not sitting pretty. =) Congratulations and thanks for the views by the way! There you get my cheap makeup. I had my signature cynical approach to a much more comical and well designed congratulations and thanks. You would have liked it.

You've shot through the heart. And you're too late. And you, Blogger, you honestly do give love a bad name. I played my part and you played your games. Now get the hell out of my face.

P.S.
See you tomorrow honey!

P.S.S.
I swear Pandora reads my mind. It puts the perfect songs on at perfect moments. God bless its founders.

P.S.S.S.
Blogger and I are officially in a love-hate relationship. That should be a Facebook Relationship Status by the way.

P.S.S.S.
Do these things even exist? P.S.S...'s

P.S.S.S.S.
Whatever. Doesn't really matter. Going away for real now. Bye Bye!

P.S.S.S.S.S
This is the part where I ride into the sunset. Happy Trails everybody!

To Break One Thousand

This is a bit of an accomplishment. This is a bit of a leap. This is a bet of a gamble and it's a bit of a reward.

It's a lot of a party.

As of now, at 5:49 PM, 1/24/11, there are currently 960 views in the bank.

We need only 40 more, my daily average.

My pageviews don't count, so this ain't my job, it's yours, and I'll let you all see it once it's done. Congratulations should be in order by tomorrow, although much of your hard work is behind you. Like I've said before, I have mixed positive feelings about your guys' dedication. I'm not sure whether to be alarmed or relieved.

Because this means one of two things.

Either I'm completely out of mind.

Or you guys are completely inside it.

Or maybe both at the same time.

I really don't know.

But keep reading, this post's special. It's got video, pictures, and a bit of reflection.

A thousand view party.

Hope y'all can enjoy yourselves.

And look forward to a possible awards ceremony on the 31st?

Not Bad For a First?

Let's hope the face doesn't scare you off.

My Walk With The Dog

Quickly discovered it was recycling day.

I was tracking this trail all day. It kept growing.

After the second lap, I found another.

Never seen a better looking Chevrolet.

Now I know where that light comes from!

It's sights like these that will never allow me to understand Atheists.

Nonsensical rambling of insanity. But it gets views. God only knows why.

Less than thirty views to go.. can we hit 1000 by tomorrow?

A Little Head's Up

Y'all are about to hit 1000 views by the end of tonight or tomorrow night, which is a considerable accomplishment. I've been averaging 40-41 views a night and today's the day that will push me over the benchmark. I'm impressed, surprised, and a little irked that so many find this nonsensical rambling remotely entertaining. I'm also appreciative of all the support, and expect this to be a momentous accomplishment for you much more than myself. Putting down my garbage is the easiest thing in the world; putting up with my garbage is really the hard part. So if you're amazed as I am, tune in tonight to hopefully shatter the barrier of a thousand views. I'll be duly impressed.

P.S. I'm thinking of making tonight's entry a video update, if that grabs your attention, stay tuned. If not, check it out, just for kicks. Maybe share it with your friends, make a joke of it, hell, maybe I'll go viral, but that's your decision, not mine. Do as you please.

The Pre-College College-Hunting Wanna-be-College College

The college above is not filled with anything really college-related at all. A college email is just glorified spam, the college hunt is 99+ percent waste, as out of the hundreds of colleges that will contact you and that you'll look into, you'll only immediately attend one. Forget Thomas Edison, those 10,000 ways that the light bulb won't work really won't ever help anyone. The application fluff isn't really going to go anywhere anyways, because with the schools people mostly look at, you really aren't that much more than your numbers. Sure you can work, average 750 hours of annual community service, and be a four year varsity track letterman, but that 3-point-something GPA's still not going to get you into Harvard. It's the epicenter of the academic high school life, but it's pretty overthought and overrated, unless you're Einstein reincarnated.

Today was a decent day because I had the day off. No midterms today because my first two classes are electives. Tomorrow I've got Chemistry (projected failure) and Spanish (projected A, how the hell did I get a B- when nearly every test was an A? should look into that) but that's the way life goes. I'm gonna chill and do as well as I can, so whatever happens happens. Studying don't really help me all that much anyway. (you ever notice how I use casual, southerna language sometimes? improper language gives a nice tone in select scenarios, captures attitude and tone much better than the clinical scholarly version does. it probably bugs the hell out of some people, but hey, this is published if you're reading it, that i's not going to be capitalized whether you like it or not.) So tomorrow's a pretty chill hour and a half or so of school =). Three hours? What the hell, it doesn't matter anyway.

Today was chillaxed and productive at the same time. Woke up, took a shower, Wesley was home, had already done his school stuff, and I hit the computer and the kitchen for the rest of the day. Food in the stomach (gonna go get a glass of water real fast) and

Hold up. Excuse my sarcasm and pardon my cynicism, but this just the way I'm feeling. After such a productive a day, how can you not forgive me? I wrote a CV today and I reckon I watched half of College Humor's video stock. It's all good.

So today's a burnt day. And a day that deserved it too. A Monday where you can do nothing, it'd be a crime to not take advantage.

You guys want another pic?

And this about sums it up. Too lazy to put on a shirt and too lazy to flex. 

Well, not very much at least.

It's tough to remember this is an honest blog sometimes.

So yep. I'm lazy today. I vanquished a Monday. Got school tomorrow and a life to live. But I choose to chill with you guys for a while. You get my 11:00 PM's folks, that's how generous I am. And you just saw what a dork I am a minute ago. But of course, you knew that already.

Hmm.. what to do next?

Show you a nice video about Christmases I watched?

A better one about Dads?

The best and most sophisticated series of "Your Mother" Jokes on YouTube?

How about Obama singing Al Green? How about Lady Gaga?

(Ever since I began watching 24, Obama has always reminded me of Dennis Haysbert and sequentially President Palmer. My opinion of him has accordingly risen =).)

So yep.

YouTube links, an incriminating photograph, and some rambling nonsense. That's what this entry has been so far. Should we cut it off? You maybe, me no.

Here's the best viewing experience in the history of mankind. If you don't have Netflix, I'm so sorry. If you weren't signed in, sign in and try it again. If you can press play, wait five minutes, and still hit pause, you can hit me up and I'll find/give you a quarter.

But that ability's worth more than that. You should find some way to showcase it and get paid.

Midterms are officially today. Sweet!

Okay Bozos. What are we doing next? Hitting the sack? Laughing? Glaring? Shaking our heads? Facepalming? Whatever that means. Now, the best course of action is to hit Publish Post* and go to bed. I'll now successfully execute that first part, but the next is already technically done since I'm sitting in bed. Going to sleep will come when it does. For now, good night to the world.

P.S.

 What you are looking at is considered one of the most dangerous series of buttons on the internet.

It is the FBI's 11th Most Wanted.

Watch out.

Welp, it got me and it's won my heart. It's made me look crazy as it's about to do. But I love it just the same. I discourage and encourage your use of it.

Behave accordingly.

Life is Full of Surprises

For better or for worse, life is full of surprises. Discovering a kindred spirit through a mutual friend, beautiful. Finishing off the main parts of Skyrim, leaves you feeling like garbage. Getting crushed in foosball when you're pretty sure you've finally met your match, gorgeously humbling. Surprised that despite its popularity, Jackass is pretty fun to watch if you know when to fast forward or look away. Good thing too, in the end who really ever wants to puke? Surprised that the world's best chocolate sauce (best topped with a touch of ice cream) is just as good the second time around, phenomenal. Shock that your newborn snowfall is going to melt soon, heartbreaking. Another Giants to Pats Superbowl? Surprisingly not a surprise.

Well, I suppose that's how life goes, just like a box of chocolates. You never know just what you're gonna get.

I started talking about getting my first real job today. Disregarding the paid yardwork for neighbors and childhood one-hit-wonder franchises, I've never really made serious money, and that could be about to change. Talked to the manager at Nautilus and he seemed interested. Ending up taking my name and number, so he could call at any moment and that's pretty exciting. 

I'm trying out a few more places tomorrow. Just want to find a place that'll take me, that'll give me some work experience, and where I can make a bit of money here and there. Schedule is important, I don't know how many hours a week I'd work, but I'm sure most people are reasonably well understanding of student schedules. 

You know how they say that after you've done something a certain number of times, it becomes second nature, like a subconscious habit. I'm just about there for journaling. It's nice. I think about it throughout the day sometimes, just thinking of ways to help it better capture my life, of things to fill it with, and of its random commonplace connections. People ask me about it a lot, really. Always call it a blog, which I somewhat resent, but it's still all good. When they ask why I do it, I usually just say because it's a place to write. Now, that's true to a certain extent, I honestly do love writing, but it's also great for organizing my life. It occasionally makes me feel like I'm in some Stranger Than Fiction flick, where my life is being narrated, but I've got control over it. I'm literally authoring a legacy, which is pretty sweet when you think about it. It helps me get to know myself better as well, it's like a spiritual mirror. I don't know if you get what I'm saying, but it's like a window into myself. There's really no direct way to say it that bypasses metaphor, and it's a very unique experience, beyond words (maybe,) and it's just awesome. It kinda splits me into two pieces (schizophrenia? SPD?) and I get to know myself. Get acquainted. We don't always agree, but we do tend to get along well, fight relatively little, and are alike in more ways than we can count on our fingers. Combined. Which adds up to about ten. Throw in the toes and we might get somewhere.

So.. about today.

Midnight started and we were playing ping pong. Back and forth it went, in between rounds played around with some ten pound dumbells and some foosball and some silly games as well. Watched some Jackass. Wound up awake until sometime around 3 or 4. I woke up at 4:12, 4:36, 5:42, 6:21, 6:46 (*phone's alarm clock went off for some reason*), 7:20, and then finally 8:38 when I finally crawled out of bed. I was freezing all night long. Laying halfway in the hobble, halfway out, itching up a storm, freezing my toes off and ribs out, and drifting in and out of consciousness. Not the best night of sleep to say the least. The reason I could give you so many times is because I remember pretty clearly checking my phone, praying I could get up and move on with my day. After the first twenty-minute-ish powernap, I felt energized enough to get up. Or maybe that was just the amount of motivation it took for me to want to get out of there. I mean if you have to pull the blanket up over your head, wrap yourself up like a mummy, roll up into a ball, and flex and relax to keep the blood flowing, you know you're doing something wrong. The ironic part (part of my own Spartan nature) was that there was constantly a sleeping bag an inch or so from my head. I guess I enjoyed the struggle. Sounds like me. It was a great night, if you can rejoice in those sufferings like I in my crazy state of mind must love to do.

*This violated a mutual pact established by myself and my phone. I provide for its general welfare and it doesn't choose to randomly wake me up in the middle of the night.*

That's the kind of pact you can't have with your kids. Parents really draw the short stick on that one, folks.

So, basically life's good and we go downstairs and eat some delicious breakfast. Brown toast, butter and jam. Scrambled eggs, salt and pepper, pepper and salt?. Chicken Pot Pie, bowl and a spoon. I didn't eat the utensils, but for the sake of parallelism bear with me. Great breakfast. Washed down with a couple of glasses of milk and the day moves on. Just like that.

Brush my teeth with a graciously gifted toothbrush. Write my name on it, because nights like this are sure to follow eventually, and head out to drive towards church. Hear some fascinating stories about iceboxes, colonial scandals, and General Rochambeau and their ties to the Foltas and had a thoroughly enjoyable, snowsight laden, voyage to New Life Fellowship. Thank you, Mrs. Folta!

Headed in, headed upstairs. Chilled with the small group. Chatted it up. Learned a valuable lesson regarding the superiority of "alternative yes's" over straight up "no's," further indirect elaboration upon the concept of liberating bondage, and valuable time of fellowship and study all for the glory of God. God bless Arturo Araya!

Church service. Caught up, found out how things have been with the "t-shirtin' business" and reunited with some regular pals. Gathered round, stood with family, and worshiped the God of all creation, Simply put, that was a thrill in and of itself. Glory be to God!

Service: Two Sermons for the Price of One.

I) Sermon One:  Regarding the "Four Ships that take us to God's New World."

          A) Worship

                 i) Giving Everything up to God... more than just Sunday morning songs.

                 ii) Our chance to give something back, pleasing God rather than ourselves

          B) Stewardship

                 i) Taking care of financial, proprietary, and blessed gifts.

                 ii) Not really ours. It's God's anyway, he just lets us have it so we can enjoy giving it.

          C) Discipleship

                 i) One we often fail to complete. We've been told to make disciples, not just be them.

                 ii) Dedication the the service of the Lord. We're slaves regardless, why not serve God?

          D) Fellowship

                 i) Utilizing the joy of community gathered to glorify Christ.

                 ii) A lot of people's favorite.

II) Sermon Two: Romans 7

A little rough from a preaching pastor's point of view, but you can read it yourself to get what you can from it. I'm tired of making an outline, it's almost midnight, give me a break. 

So yeah, that was a really good sermon. Darrell continues to impress. I enjoy his speaking style as well, he seems comfortable, passionate, understanding, wise, and a strong deliver of even stronger Spiritscribed messages. Spiritscribed, another word invention. Written by the Spirit. Looks cool to me. Might want to use it more often. Similar words: Spiritscribe (verb), spiritscript (noun), spiritscripted (adverb/adjective), and the list can be however long as you want it to be. Word's better because it's made up, anyway. More meaningful that way. More powerful. More memorable. Enjoy.

Service ends. Introduce myself to the visiting family and the new man in back, Lance. Set him up with Ryan as well. Lance is a cool guy, from Elizabeth, searching for a church home, visited Long Hill, willing to make the 25-minute commute, enjoyed service, looking for smaller church, seemed genuine, courteous, friendly, firm handshake, made a good first impression. Pray he comes back. Pray he makes New Life his own church. Let us be hospitable to him and make it a place he wants to be.

Head through the church. Get a writing job offer from Kristie. Smile in remembrance of the 12K dollar essay. Accept job offer heartily, offer services wholeheartedly, move on with the day, see you later Garrelf! Headed over to Ryan's house. Earned Level 2 Security Access under the position of Aspiring Lead Worshiper at Gethsemane. Not a pastor. Enjoyed a bit of prayer. Loved a lot of food. Helped cut a lot of it. Chilled out, ate together, talked about youth group execution and plans for the future. Wise minds, caring minds, ambitious minds, submissive minds, led-by-God minds all, each brought together in a common purpose. Powerful. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of such a powerful force. Our youth group can go places again. Briefed on the upcoming events.

Coffee break, I split, watch the kids. Hang with sick baby Eliana. Watch some good ol' Curious George. Watch Cade and Morgan play, good friends both. Watch Wesley. Not a ton to say as I'm getting too foggy to remember every deal. Just barely into the afternoon here.

Wrap up, head home, hand off to Dad. Head to Nautilus Diner, ask if they take checks, they don't head over to Stop and Shop, pay $51.19 for a Rolos bar, get our change in cash, head over to the diner, get seated. Game's on. Kickoff's in five. Ravens v. Pats, called the Pats right off the bat. (There goes those Dr. Seuss rhymes again, but later that will we begin.) There we go, looking good, got the lead. 3 Point game, still close, damn, NFL players are just as jacked as they were in the last game. Game goes on. Food goes down. Never order Nautilus' New Yorker Panini. No bueno. Conversation goes up and down, Costa Rica this, philosophy that, get-a-job-now this, okay-where's-the-manager that. Chow down on some strawberry cheesecake. Don't  finish. Leave it for Dad. Let him gather his things while I talk to the manager. He comes out, I shake his hand and introduce myself, tell him I'm looking for work. With a spark in his eye he pulls out a pen and a paper and says, sign here, first name and last, and your number there. Life's good, went easier than expected, ready to head out the door, exit with a bit of swag. Job well done, let's hit the road, back to the house we go, chill out for a bit, youth group's in not too long.

Mess with the bro's, slay Alduin, pissed because there's no reward, get ready for youth group and go. Get there, get warmed up, talk to the people, have a good time. Gather up, get ready for speedball, demonstrate the moves, reppin' Madison all the way, bro! Going good, feeling great, about to kick some serious ass. Here we go, here we go, just getting pumped. No jerseys, utter chaos. Suggest jerseys, game really starts. People learn the rules, strategy's soon to come, get playing some goalie, block a few shots, let not a single one in. Not there for long, let Dan Folta play, get a few picks, and have a good time. Wait a few rounds, switch sides. Jimmy Donaruma with his strategic minds sets up an impenetrable wall of defenders. Trent Anderson on the left flank, me with the center, and Sean Gawgs with the right. Dan Folta in the back, covering goal, way to go, not a shot in. Smile, celebrate, get things going. Meshin' as a team, things get shaken up. Me switched over, against my friends, sorry buds, but that's the game. Tie off some loose ends, play some solid D, get a few more picks, make a few shotsaving blocks, have a good time. Team player. Pay attention to Nikki Hair, mad skills there. Everyone's got the game now. We're playing well. But damn, how the hell do you score on Dan?

With four? Nope.

With exceptional trickery? Nope.

With five shots in a row? Nope.

By sitting back and letting someone else do the work? ... yep.

There we go Matt Sullivan! Booty bump Jimmy. Thing's solid, we get things rollin'? Back to work, grindstone churnin', fightin' the good fight, not letting down. Working up a serious sweat. Discarding excess clothes. Everyone's playing, ain't that the point? Dan's still good, score might be a fluke, try to do some myself, but hey, that ain't gonna work. Final countdown comes soon enough, hit Kylie Ferrentino in the corner. See an opportunity for myself, but hey, you go with what works. Step back. Let Matt make his play. Kylie fake, Matt score again! Man, where was he earlier? We could have had a game =).

Things roll along nicely. Head into the Cafe'. Forget that there's actually food to pay for at this place, think "Maybe I'll bring my wallet.. next time." See an open door, a flash of white, know exactly what I've gotta do and nothing's gonna stop me. Stride right out, plunge right in. Face full of snow, man, feels so good. Lookin' crazy, laughin' a bit, but hey, isn't this paradise? In little shirts only, single layers all, this sub-20 degree weather's feelin' pretty warm. Talk a while, joke a lot, laugh more, and get ready to head back inside. I go first, there's something playing. Never seen this movie before, what's going on? Sit down, story time soon. Gather round, old school style. Sit at Jimmy's feet, listen to announcements. Notice that red chair looks pretty comfy, wonder how it'd fit for me. Thinking a bit about the Giants, weren't we all? Sorry 49ers, but you're going home. Dr. Seuss, here we come, third(?) in the series,  Yertle the Turtle, what a jerk. Stacks way up high, weighs everyone else down, expands his kingdom, but soon it's reduced to null. Sorry bro, but that's greed for you. Dictatorship, down the drain. Monarchy, screw you. Democracy's the way to go, should have listened to Mac! 

Cool story, fun to listen to through Matt. Webber's such a character, such a bro, such a comedian and such an entertainer. Heart's as warm as a hot fudge sundae, mind's as sharp as a blade. Fun to hang with, such a great sense of humor. So yep, that's about that. Cool ties to God and life, found in Dr. Seuss. All about contentment, why can't we all be chill as Mac? Be happy with what you've got, with what you've done, because God's as much about rest as he is about getting things done. Sorry if I blew a bit of privacy, maybe I did, what stays in small groups stays in small groups, but it was a whisper and nothing incriminating. It's all good. You just get excited sometimes, that's all. Still sorry if I did anyone harm. Mistake of the day, fo sho.

So, night goes on, hear some more about announcements, 9:05, we're done. Text mom, she'll come fast, but where's Sarah? How will I possibly know when Mom's come? I play some soccer, miss a few calls, forget a few texts, and just have a good time. Fill a vibration, could that be the guy from the store? Phone out of pocket, screen to the eye, and oops, forgot all about my ride. Kick another goal in, say my goodbyes. Have a bit of fun in the process, depart with class. Job well done. Time well had. Friends well joined and things exceptionally done, B+  to an A, no regrets there. Ride home, thanks Mom, go and win Skyrim's civil war. boring, get a crappy sword, maybe I'll never play this game again if there's no reward. Oh well. Better off anyway. Probably. Am I really done? Hope so, hope not, three-day weekend's almost through. One more day, most are in school, lucky me, I'm in bed! So y'all take your tests, y'all do your work, know I'll be joining you.. but not ti' Tuesday! Good night masses, journal's the final step, you're up to date. 

Don't blame me. I pounded it out and gave you a blow-by-blow 24+ hour excerpt of my life. Probably forgot something, but that's all right. Job's well done. I ate the Rolos before the food came, forgot that. Drank water too. Got a refill. Drank the refill. I love water, did y'all know that? There was also a story like that that I forgot to mention. Arturo knew this guy who grew up in a vineyard, and I guess he once said water weren't no good for ya. Excuse my writing. I'm asleep. Well, not entirely, but you get the gist. Good night. I might go chill with Jack. 24: time's a tickin, will my eyes stay open?

Uploaded to Facebook in just a minute, wonder what the description will be. I'm writing every thought so you guys are getting me up front. Sorry if I've rhymed, sorry if I've neglected all coherence, but that's it. This is tonight's journal.

Good night.

For real.

Forget about me.

And if you've read this far, you have my utmost admiration though I'll never know who you are.

Unless you change that.

Go ahead and tell me you've read this all. All my journaling for the day.

It won't be that bad.

I'll just laugh in your face.

Night night!

sleepover

Despite waking up at almost 3.00 PM, today was an incredibly simple and exciting day. I'm in  rush against the batteyr on my phone, so there's not a lot of time to elaborate or even spell crrectly. Hate these mall buttons, don't let me we very ell and aom letters get ct out. srry. night at the foltas should b fun.

Tired and Up Too Late

I'm tired and up way too late, but dedication to the deceptively realistic game of Skyrim can make you lose track of actual reality. I'm exhausted.

But today was incredible.

Good mood all day, just because I chose to have it that way, but there was plenty of good to look at as well. The beginning of a nice three-day weekend right before midterm week, which is pretty much just a week off, and school wasn't all that tough. No homework, just study for midterms if you want. So this should be pretty chill and I'm excited, looking forward to it all. Easy tests, good grades, come home and sleep or slack. Ain't too bad.

Youth group was awesome too. We watched a little story about a big red tractor and a small village, which we were actually able to take pretty deep and analyze the allegorical features of each moment of the film, probably much more in depth than Jackie Chan (Francis? oops) ever intended. His explanation is just his interpretation, his focus on how he designed it limited in its own way. The allegorical storyteller never owns all the rites to his text, as his work captures life in a much broader sense. If there's already truth in the matter of something that's represented, the author, director, storyteller, mountebank, can't change that. He's just a photographer, still an artist and a virtuoso, but not so much an authoritative author. He can use the moral types to get a point across, should he choose, but he can't manipulate what's already there. It's a lot like photography, actually, because the photographer chooses the angle, adjusts the lighting, balances the scene, and emphasizes what he wants all in order to maximize his self-expression, but he's only capturing a snapshot of something beyond himself, not contained in his mind as it is not his original creation.

That's about as much thought as I can muster at this time of night. So back to the easier stuff.

I found out Esteban Spadea was more than just a good dancer tonight, but a great one. His talent far surpasses that of most any other kid his age that I've seen, and he's just good at it. He seems to enjoy it along with the attention it draws, but it's also kind of his artistic expression. His talent, his ability, his niche. Impressive, to say the least.

So what else was there?

Chill day at school, check.
(Finished Scratch story and watched final product =), took Computer Apps final, and the rest was pretty smooth)

No lifting though, that wasn't great, but I don't want to overexert myself after sickness. Staying up this late was definitely a mistake, but my dedication to this journal might exceed that I grant my wellbeing.

Youth group, check.

Friend coming over for the night, cool.

Lord of the Rings, didn't really watch, but it's nice to have it on.

Sleep coming up?

Have you ever stayed up so late that you start to feel like you are and have been asleep?
I'm kinda there.
Half dream, half reality, do I really gotta slay that dragon Skyrim mixups, and just an overwhelming fogginess.

You got the gist of my day, happy?
Sleepy.

Oh yeah, I won a foosball tournament tonight. Dominated. That was fun. The simple things in life sometimes give you the purest of satisfaction.

So, I really wanna go now that I've got this up.

Nighty-night, the sun's about to wake up.

When There's Really Not Anything To Say

Stayed home from school today to kick this cold. I still don't feel great but I'll be back at school tomorrow, so that's okay. I went to watch my brother's Tae Kwon Do practice as my time with dad part of the week, just because I didn't want him to think I've been avoiding him or anything. I still feel pretty crappy so I'm not going to write much, but this is an every day journal, and it will be updated every day. It's different than others of its kind, because although views and the audience is fascinating to think about (coming up on a thousand views,) that's not really the focus. It's not to appease. It's not to address. It's not even to communicate. And the only reason I have to keep revisiting this is because on a site titled Blogger, it's hard not to be one: meaning it's difficult to refine a blog into a published journal.

Sorry if you've been bored with my life the last few days, I know I have, but this is what happens when you're sick.

I've spent the last five minutes trying to get you a picture.

Still working.

Messing around with Cameroid...

Going through the annoying process of saving and uploading..

And here they are, I think:

When I'm Writing

When I'm Not

And Everytime Else:

/\ The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. /\

So just a little random writing. And pictures. First time, you know? Now that I think of this as private again, it can be better as public. There's a liberty in solitude that you can't find anywhere else.

So that's all for today. And if a picture's worth a thousand words, I guess there really was something to say.

So that's me.

Take me as you will.

Edit: Head's up, I just found another pretty sick writer -> http://bembersays.blogspot.com/ 

Sick and Tired of Making this a Blog

Blog is just an ugly word. I set out to write a journal, not an elongated system of Facebook status updates. Remember this is for the writer, not the reader, and although it may be a good way of keeping up with my status, it's a journal, not a blog. Meaning it's not designed for readers, just for personal documentation of days, only I've chosen to make mine public, accessible for those interested to view. Recently, it's been too much a series of comments and replies, so I've changed the settings to hide comments, neutralizing that aspect of this journal. Now, this might not be the most popular decision, but this is an individually commandeered activity and I hold solid reasoning for it. Keeping readers in mind defeats the purpose for me, it distorts my focus and essentially forces me to deduct its accuracy and liberty to be unrestricted, what made it interesting in the first place. This is not an interaction, it's not a social site, it's a place to write and document my life. Feel free to exploit this (which is majorly why it's public in the first place) and entertain your self with the ins and outs of my life as you see fit. Just a little head's up and a reminder to myself of its original purpose.

In other news, today was another simple day. That's the deal when you're sick. You kinda just gotta take it easy, only do what you can, and let your body get itself back on its feet. Unfortunately, this comes as a sacrifice to the things you normally do and you don't really have a choice. Today, I couldn't lift. I couldn't go to PBBK. I had to isolate myself into the quarantine of my bedroom, chill, drink water, and just wait for things to get better. This also means I won't be able to go back-to-back with worship leading and I'll just have to keep things slow until I'm all the way back up on my feet.

Don't get me wrong, I want this cough to go away so I can get my life back. I'm not particularly appreciative of this coerced recuperation period. I wanted more than anything to lift today, I wanted to be active, I truly did want to go to PBBK, I just couldn't and that was something I had to accept. It bugs the hell out of me, but hey, life ain't perfect. Just the way we all like and love it. That fact ain't gonna change any time soon.

School was okay today. Got a few more e-mails from colleges, but I'm finally completely convinced that's not anything special. It's exciting, because it shows what's coming up next in life, but in and of itself it's not quite as exciting as I originally thought it was. What's better to look at is how I line up with the schools. Davidson's looking nice, American University's easy to get into, West Point's still up there. Boston College looks a little out of reach for the time being, but it's only half way through sophomore year. I don't really have any definite idea of where I want to go for school, but I'm always looking forward to Costa Rica. That'll really be an incredible experience.

I've been thinking up an alternative career though, a backup plan if you will. Another job of servitude, slight edge of danger, excitement you wouldn't find in the standard business world, not to mention another relatively high chance of saving some lives. Firefighter work sounds like it could very well be another match. Running into burning buildings, enacting a bit of heroism, and just being all that I can be. One holdback is that it wouldn't involve much language. Maybe it could just be another piece in the puzzle. Maybe it could be in place of military work, or more preferably before it, but then I think they could both be followed by work for a government agency like the CIA, FBI, Homeland, you name it.

That makes me want to go watch some 24 soon, definitely something to get out of the way before going to sleep. I love that show, could watch it over and over again, Jack Bauer is definitely one of my highest inspirations. If I were to be anybody else in the world, I would definitely want to be Jack Bauer. Not just because he's one of the most formidable badasses in television history, but also because of all the things he's had to deal with. If you've got no shit in your life, what's the point of going on with life? Don't we all just love a good struggle? Something to fight for? Something to fight against?

Our vocab book just brought up a pretty good word for that. Ennui. The book defines it as a weariness and dissatisfaction from lack of occupation or interest, boredom.

Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne just came onto the Guns N' Roses Pandora playlist. Love that song, even though it's one of those that's extremely overplayed. You could hear it a million times and still want to listen to it again. If I were to have to choose the only song I would ever be able to hear again, it might be this one. This one or It's My Life. Or maybe that Sherlock Holmes soundtrack. Or the unforgettable Now We Are Free from Gladiator. Or maybe I should be the good little church boy and choose a worship song, Our God is Greater, Our God is an Awesome God, or You Never Let Go? How about a compromise? A Skillet song? Hawk Nelson? Relient K =)? Comatose, Bring Em' Out, Pressing On? I don't know.. these are getting less and less appealing to listen to forever. What would you choose?

(See guys, I'll still write to you every once in a while, but you're not my focus. I'm not writing for you, and if I am, it's probably just to impress the historians that'll read these after you. We both know you're invading on my Dear Diary's.)

I'll still joke with you guys too. Some things might make you laugh, others might make you itch for a cheese grater, and some will probably have no effect whatsoever. Might just annihilate my pride and speed up your reading a little bit.

Anyway, I don't really want to ramble when there's an episode of 24 waiting to be watched, but I'll just hang on long enough to say goodbye.

Hope you're all having a great day and won't be too disappointed you won't be able to comment anymore (on here, anyway, Facebook is cool since it's sufficiently separate) and I'm looking forward to seeing you again, whoever you are, because that's just basically how I am. I like to see people. See and not hear, ladies and gents.

Good night folks!

Some Days Aren't Adventures

It's easy to get caught up with all that goes on around us. It's easy for the ponderers to think big, for the active to act big, and for the scholastically inclined to study hard. What's hard for those who love to get things done and cherish hard work above all else (those who typically have hard time sleeping after a less than maximal day) is to relax. It's not natural, and it's the law of inertia in action. Those who are always moving will never want to stop and those who choose never to move will always want to rest. But life, among other things, is a magnificent balancing act. There is a time to accomplish and a time to breathe. Inhalation, exhalation, a never ending cycle of exertion and recovery. The hard part is finding the time to do what you don't always do, and for me, that is to rest.

It's important to take a day off every once in a while. I hardly fall into the trap of laziness, but quite the opposite have an almost impossible time slowing down. Sleep is tough, and I can be a bit of an insomniac. I always get caught up with that one last thing I could have done differently, or in addition, or those single opportunities I let slip by. That kind of loss is difficult for me to deal with, and I frequently have to be reminded to take a load off, to try not to do it all, and to allow my life to be filled with rest as well as action.

Ironically, during workouts, it's something I notoriously stress all the time to anyone who happens to ask me for a spot. "Breathe, breathe. Remember to breathe." I say it all the time, and I can do it while I'm lifting, but I can't take my own advice out of the weight room. I want to do as much as I can, to make as large of a positive contribution as possible, and to accomplish all I set out to do. I'm careful with the things I say I'll do and take pride in almost always completing them.

That reminds me to take out the trash tonight.

Sleep is important as well, but something I'm not always the best at attaining. It's that law of inertia, I tell you, it's not just for physical motion, it applies to everything.

Today was one of those days I tried to keep simple. It was one of those days I let myself do what I would normally consider "waste away," but rather than suffer through it and mope about it, I'm able to take pride in it. I did the things that relax me once my necessary work was out of the way instead of the things that would make maximal efficiency of the day. This journal is a day-by-day account of my daily adventures, which aren't always that adventurous, but seem to be occasionally made like a serial drama. It affects the way I live my life, knowing that it will have to be published, and that ultimately a selection of it will have to be worthy of notice.

My justification for today's lack of events was the onset of a cold. I could think that what I was doing was "working" towards recovery, as resting leads towards a goal, and this allowed me to take it easy with peace of mind. Effective chilling out. It's a concept I neglect too often, but should really take more time to consider.

Oh yeah, today was also one of the first days I've gotten several e-mails from colleges. I've gotten bits and pieces before, but today there were quite a few and had some promising scholarships inside. Not really any big name schools, but Roanoke College, Franklin & Marshall College, Colorado State, Rhodes College, Kenyon College, University of Chicago, St. Peter's College, Pace University, and Davidson College. All around the nation, all different levels of schools, all competing for American high school students' attention. It's cool to see these things, and they all leave ways of learning more. I've replied to almost all of them, just to get a broader view of all that's out there. When first I saw it this morning, I thought it was special to be called one of Roanoke's "top prospective students," to be called a Superhero by Kenyon (might want to write back on that one haha,) or to be called a "bright young student" by The University of Chicago, but then I realized in Chemistry everyone was getting all these e-mails and I really wasn't all that special at all. Still, it's pretty cool to see prestigious schools from Chicago in my inbox. Pace University, who accepts close to 80% of its applicants, not so much. That's more a degrading slap in the face.

Some of them look like really good schools though, and I'll definitely continue to look into them. Like Davidson, haven't really given them much thought before now, but they look pretty solid. Franklin & Marshall too, another unexpected, might not be a bad place to complete my undergraduate studies. I have a feeling these e-mails are just going to keep coming like a storm though, because that's basically all the University of Chicago had to say to us. The extents they all go to to flatter is astonishing, however.

Anyway, time to take out the trash and rest up some more. Maybe watch some more 24. Whatever, just signing off for now with a simplistic update to a nice, relaxing day.