Heart of Worship

It took me until about 11:30 tonight to realize that today was Friday the 13th. I couldn't have possibly guessed, as this was both a momentously monumental day in my development and a day I can honestly be proud of. Took each step in faith, had no idea what I was doing half of the time, and it came off much better than I could have possibly expected.

Note to self: God's a better driver than I am, why not let him take the wheel more often?

(That gives me a song idea)

So here I am, legit watching the Jesus, Take the Wheel music video. I also had to take a piss, so I simultaneously took care of business while holding my computer somehow with my chin and chest. I left the door open so I guess I might never live this one down with Wesley, but at least I've got plenty of dirt on him for leverage to keep myself secure. Now, you're probably thinking one of many things: none of them have a very good chance of keeping myself admirable to you.  Too much information, doing eccentric things that may make you question my sanity, and a let-it-all-out attitude that might make you secondguess trusting me with your car keys should the necessity every arise. But don't worry, I'm not conscientiously insane and I've got a pretty good feeling about what I'm about to explain to you. This giddiness doesn't just come from thin air, you know? You've gotta put in some serious work to be comfortable in such a nervously-excited-but-confident-and-thrillingly-overjoyed state of mind. This day honestly could not have gone much better.

First off, thank God it's Friday. Secondly, thank God it's the beginning of a three-day weekend.. And third of all, thank God that he's God. I'm listening to Chris Tomlin's Our God is Greater, but with a much different attitudinal perspective then I had on Wednesday. I'm not simply crying out, not simply begging for help, but raised to a high level of positivity, gratitude, appreciation, and flat out happiness (plain and simple.) There's a darkness that lies in disappointment, for sure, but there's a joy that comes in escape. It took two days to get out, but I was led to freedom and am indescribably thankful for such a transitional transformation. Here I am, listening to some nice Concerning Hobbits, Lord of the Rings soundtrack and just cherishing the moment.

What made today so great, you might ask? First and foremost, it was probably the fact that I didn't have to drive. I was helpless in God and just did what he asked me to do. This all started late last night, when I was in my utterly confused state strikingly similar to the little kid in David After Dentist (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs) and I really didn't have a clue what was going on.

Guys this is funny, I had to look up the video to get the link, but I left Pandora on with the film score from Gladiator. Hahaha, he just screamed. That almost fit. But this is mostly just the introspective, calm and collected, relaxed Gladiator music. If you watch those two together, it's pretty funny. In a tongue-in-cheek kind of way that just doesn't make sense. If it was enough to get me thoroughly side-tracked, it might just be good enough for you look up and experience for yourself.

Krokodill is playing now, just with some funny little accents and ^ thingies. I know I've heard it from somewhere, White Olleander maybe? Before I look it up, I just want to say I feel a little eccentric claiming to have watched that movie. It doesn't really line up with my personality at all, but one day in what must have been middle school, I was either sick home alone or up late at night, and it happened to be on HBO. I got sucked in and watched it from like the second scene all the way until the end. I just couldn't leave, but hey, I kinda thought the oppressed girl was pretty, which was probably a bigger part of my rationale than anything else. I was able to appreciate the music and the story as well though, as it was different and sadder than anything I'd really watched before. It might have contributed to my advice-giving self, but other than that I think it was just a sad waste of time. Not really, but that was one of my oddly uncharacteristic moments of self, one that I can look back on in both mystified wonder and profound awe. What held me in, was it just the so notably different nature to it that I had never really seen before?

I swear Pandora is hooked on playing Now We Are Free for me, but who can blame it? It's mostly my fault, I can't help but give it a thumbs up every time it comes on. It's just so good to listen to, and you can attribute almost any of the innumerable synonyms of "good" to that, which is why I feel so comfortable using such a simple and broad term commonly disregarded and cast aside by scholars in search of the perfect extreme morpheme.

Now let's look up Krokodill, see where it's from. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe3FG4EOgyU This isn't it, but something I'm still glad I landed upon. How could it not lift your mood? If that's not the sweet epitome of infantile innocence, I don't know what is. I can't help but smile when I watch it or even just listen to it. It makes me smile =-). I have no idea what he's saying, something about a small crocodile, but it's so tender  and cute (hate using that word, but okay haha) that I can hardly stand it. I even put it on Facebook =).

But that's not the Krokodill I'm looking  for, this one is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX1o14Zk02Y. I can't really find what it's been in, and I'm not going to waste too much time looking, but I did gather that it was composed by the Icelandic producer Johann Johannsson and that his last name is not a family name but a patronymic, whatever that means, but if that's what it says on Wikipedia and I trust Wikipedia. It is so factually sound, after all.

So today, I led worship for my youth group, and it was my first time doing it for real. I've backed a lot of times, but this time I actually led. It was cool because the music wasn't the most important part of it, and if it was, frankly it might have sucked. (Did you know Hans Zimmer can make me want to watch any movie? Pandora's playing the Crimson Tide soundtrack right now, and even though I know nothing about the movie I want to go see it.) Hans Zimmer is good at music, unlike me, but one thing I was able to do well tonight was simply worship. Like I've been saying all along, God led me every step of the way. From last night's tossing-and-turning text message to Ryan saying simply "I don't know if I'm thinking straight Ryan, but I think I might want to lead worship tomorrow." past the blazen altar and into the holy of holies, I was just doing what he told me to do but it was awesome. My songs were Beautiful One, Take Me In, You Never Let Go, and Blessed be your Name. I talked to God the whole time, Scripture was read, and I feel I was able to lead a congregation into God's presence and cherish it together. It was powerful, it was significant, and it was altogether fulfilling and completely satisfactory. Part of satisfaction is leaving room for improvement, because who really wants to plateau into perfection? Not me. That'd be boring.

Worship is just giving everything you can of your all in order to please the one who created you. This can be in any form, as every action can lead to the glorification of God, as he is in all holy things. In him, holiness abounds and we can truly be glad once within. I love it and I've got a heart designed to serve and worship, a profession I'm sure it is most glad to possess.

Joshua Simon. One of a kind. Incredible friendship we have. He was the first to take me in from Oregon and one of the most persistently loyal I have acquired since landing myself on the East Coast, perhaps even that I have ever met. Not only is he a great friend and a great man, but he has also been a wise counselor for me in my times of need. He's got a genuine wisdom about it, extending beyond his years, and the heart to exercise it. One of his great gifts is that of a musician, one that he has used to serve as a worship leader and effectively bring many a congregation into harmony with, and pleasing to, God. I can't say enough about him, even if the clock were not approaching One. He came through today in support during worship and post facto congratulations, encouragement, and seasoned advice. I can't thank him enough, his words do more than he or I could possibly imagine.

Katie also came back to youth group tonight and this addition was also pleasantly noticed. She has a great singing voice in addition to all her other remarkable traits, so as you can imagine if you are aware of my developing voice's status, her willingness to help was both admittedly necessary and very much appreciated. Her gentle words also helped to control Westeban's raging energy at times, which occasionally stood in opposition to Ryan's message. It was outstanding to have her back in our company, and I thank God for the blessing she is to our youth group.

Where would I be without Ryan today? He played an essential role in getting me to where I am now by simply allowing me to lead worship at last minute's notice. He also used his gift of technical support and made it possible for other people to follow me in worship. His message was also original and inspired, as well as insightful and meaningful to our lives, which should ultimately lead to practical action. We've managed to establish that we want our youth group to grow, and he's obviously working hard to play his role in initiating such a growth spurt. He had us think of individuals at our schools we could start bringing and a few immediately crossed my mind. I'll check out the scene, do my homework, then go in for the kill and see if I can get them involved. They would most likely enjoy it, and I want them to be a part of what we do.

There was also a pretty fun big game of hide and seek throughout the upper two floors of the building tonight. That was cool, but I was found pretty quickly, initially intentionally but later disappointingly. I was planning as if we had an extra round to play, which we unfortunately ran out of time for. I did get some good ideas for if we decide to play on some other night, though.

I can't remember enough to tell you very much about school. I can tell you that it went reasonably well, that my thoughts were prevalently dominated by an English quiz and worship preparation and that I was disappointed by a Chemistry test score, one that although expected came with a little pain. I can't remember scoring lower on anything in my scholastic career. Spanish was good, as always, but I learned there really ain't no rule to tell el from la. La regla unica, mi profesora dice, es que no hay reglas concretas. So, that was school. Today was also the first day of this school year that I was able to come home immediately after school, and it felt pretty cool walking straight out of PreCalculus, turning left, and walking straight out the door of the school before the clock had even hit 2:45. I made it home and chilled out worshiping and praying and spending time with God before going to prepare at Ryan's house. I was so caught up in it all that I forgot to charge my phone until it might have been too late, but it charges fast so I was able to make a little use out of it before the night was up.

I got a ride shortly after my mom got home to the parsonage, where I texted Ryan to let him know I had arrived and that I would be waiting on the porch. He had tried to warn me they wouldn't be there when I got there, but I came nonetheless and froze my fingers off for it. I tried playing guitar while waiting, but the tips of my fingers were frozen and the metal strings stung the tips of my callousing fingertips. If you play guitar for a while, you get callouses on your fingers. If you stop playing guitar for a while, you lose your callouses. If you start back up again, your fingers are back to their baby phase. Mine are somewhere in between.

I might be explaining this twice, I know I did once with Josh, but I'm too lazy to look back through and see if I've gone over it before. Just kidding, I just did, but it still may have escape my attention. i just skimmed and my eyes are barely open. I'm hardly ever up this late, but I just don't want this day to end or for it to go undocumented. My worship process began with communing in the fellowship of the Ozolins. Ryan, Katie, Eliana, and Emerson were all a delight to meet in company and they are a great and growing family. Eliana is such an energetic comedian, Emerson is so chill and intrigued, and they get along great. Ryan and Katie are mentionably good parents as well =). Worship continued with prayer. Katie prayed for my empowerment and blessing, as well as for that of the congregation and covered just about everything that needed pertinent coverage. This was a blessing to me as I believe things would not have gone near as well without God's involvement, or anywhere at all to be frankly honest. Everything was based upon HIS work. Ryan and I read Psalm 19 together, prayed over it, read it again with music in the background, and got to work. I got to practice the songs.. once. I had to play Blessed be your Name a few times, but my musical preparation was minimal and I knew I was going to have to depend on the Holy Spirit and let him keep leading me as he had all along.

That's basically the essence of today -> tonight. Let God lead, and everything will be okay, if not great. He loves and cares enough to curate us as his handiwork,  he knows our needs and desires, acknowledges our weaknesses and does the compensation for us. (Crimson Tide is playing again, is the movie any good? I want to go see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBTIoL5vaOM ) So....... I'm worn out enough to go to sleep. Rest up for tomorrow, you know? Another good day lies ahead.  Can't wait.  Eager enough to ditch you guys, get this up, and then hit the sack and maybe check the stats along the way. Good night everybody!

=)